Prookyness*

My Artsy Professor

2011-04-01T12:29:00.001+08:00

I was reading a link posted on Facebook by a friend: a repost of MONIQUE WILSON'S CALL TO HER FELLOW ARTISTS IN THE PHILIPPINES.

Her post reminded me so much of our former Culture and Performing Arts Director at the Camarines Norte State College, Mr. Ket Fernandez. For four years I was a member of the CNSC Chorale under his tutelage. He was very passionate about music, about art, and culture. He was persistent and insistent on giving nothing less but authentic cultural performances, which proved quite a challenge in our community.

Sir Ket playing the kubing as we perform Iddem-dem Mallida

I admired his desire to educate the students - and yes, professors and administrators, even politicians, too - about how rich our culture is. He would rave on and on about raising the standards for entertainment. He had strong opinions against beauty contests (which was always a form of entertainment during fiestas and school activities), network TV shows, and yes, even pop music.

Though his opinions could be a little bit conservative and purist, he presented some very good points. He was proud of his heritage (he would always tell people about his birthplace which was Cuyo, Palawan), proud of the Filipino talent (he believed in utilizing the artistic abilities of the youth to promote the economic and cultural growth of the province), and did not tolerate ignorance.

Our performances would always include Philippine folk songs and dances, especially the ethnic ones. He would push our skills to its limits, teaching us nothing less than the repertoire of the Philippine Madrigal Singers and the Bayanihan Dancers.

He would make us sing Bicolano-composed songs too, and those that invoke nationalism and love for country. Most of all he worked hard to promote our cultural group by making us perform outside the province, and in doing so carry our school and province's name with pride. It was amazing how he transformed a group of kids - most of whom did not read notes at all and did not have any background on choral music and Broadway musicals - into a full-fledged choral group.

Like I said, it was difficult to be passionate about culture and the arts when people would rather watch talentless celebrities and beautiful (well, not really) women parade their bodies in their swimsuits. It was heart-breaking to work so hard and get nothing but apathy in return, most of the time from the very community we work so hard to promote and support. It is indeed a challenge to educate people who think they don't need to be educated. It is even more challenging to insist on raising standards and taste when people who are in authority are more than willing to just do what has always been done because they don't want to "stir the pot". It was a pity, because we have a lot of talented people in the province.

I know that those who did not understand his passion might have believed our director to be a tad arrogant. Then again, he was an artist, he was temperamental not because he demanded perfection, but because he demanded respect. Respect for the country, respect for our history and culture, and respect for people.

During his birthday on my last year in school I wrote him a note saying "Sir, paglaki ko, gusto ko maging katulad n'yo." (When I grow up I want to be like you.) I still do.

I wish I could be brave like Sir Ket - brave enough to believe that he can change the world in that little town that was not so keen on changing...brave enough to stand out, to be different, to go against the tide.

My DFA Passport Application Experience

2011-03-14T14:35:00.003+08:00

Finally, I was able to apply for a passport after years of convincing by the S.O. :-) The process was made easy by the DFA's Passport Appointment System. One only has to go online and fill out an application form on their website, and set up a date and time to make a personal appearance at the new DFA-Aseana Office.

I don't really have any plans to go out of the country, not yet anyway. I just decided to get a passport because I wanted to get another valid government-issued ID. And well, in case the opportunity presents itself to go on a trip to anywhere, then I'll be ready.

I filled out the online application around middle of February. I was a little dubious about it but a couple of people at work assured me that it actually works. So my appointment was set for March 14 (today), at 8:30AM. I received an email confirming my appointment, along with an adobe file of the passport application form. I just printed out the form on a long bond paper (it was filled out with all my information along with a serial number). It also reminded me to be at the DFA office at 8:00AM.

So I woke up around 5AM and was on the road a quarter before 7AM. I took the bus along EDSA, the one with the Baclaran/MOA/DFA route, and paid 15 pesos for the fare (an ordinary bus since it's the first one I saw with a DFA sign and I didn't want to waste time waiting for an air-conditioned one). I got off across the road from the DFA office itself and was inside at around 7:15.

You can't go in unless you had the application form with you. There were signs at the gate saying "No Escorts Allowed" so only the person applying for the passport can come in. You present the passport application form at the confirmation area, where they scan your paper for authenticity. (They have scanners like those in supermarkets, which is pretty kewl.) After scanning the document, they tell you to go inside for the checking of requirements.

Step 1: Checking of Requirements.
The queue was fast owing to the number of counters open.

I have always been reluctant to apply for a passport because of the number of requirements needed. Before I moved to Manila I didn't have a single government ID to my name. There's an inconvenient practice of needing to present multiple IDs in this country. I already got my PRC license, but they usually ask for at least 2 valid (meaning digitized, government issued) IDs so I had to ask a number of people over and over if the BIR issued TIN card with photo is an accepted valid identification. They said yes so I was appeased.

I was surprised that I only had to present my NSO-issued birth certificate, and my PRC identification card. They only asked for a photocopy of the ID, they didn't even ask for a photocopy of the birth certificate. They took the original copy though, so you might need to get another copy from NSO if you want to have a personal copy. They didn't ask for additional supporting documents as well (for this I brought the original and certified photocopy of my college transcript). Turns out I didn't need it.

I was given back my application and a receipt and was told to proceed to the second floor where the cashier and encoding areas were.

Step 2: Payment at the cashier

After paying P950 to the cashier, a queue number was handed out to the applicants for the encoding of biometrics and passport photo. There were numerous counters for this, which was very efficient. I only had to wait 5 minutes before my turn came, and the guy at the counter was surprisingly pleasant and chatty - very unusual for a government employee - which I appreciated very much.

Notice that I was already halfway through the process 24 minutes before my
scheduled appointment. :)

Didn't have to wait long because of the numerous counters for
encoding and photo-taking.

It only took 10-15 minutes for encoding my info, fingerprints, signature, and taking my photo. Before my scheduled appointment, I was done. I only had to proceed to the passport delivery area to pay an extra P120 to have my passport delivered. I won't have to go back to DFA on April 18th, just have to sit back and wait for it to be sent to me.

I was amazed at how fast it took me to go through the entire process, considering that this is a government office. It felt really good to be in and out of there in less than an hour. I admit, I expected so much worse (I even brought a book, in case I had to wait for half a day).

I think it was fortunate to get the early appointment - my officemate was scheduled at 1130AM when he applied for his passport last month, and he said he waited almost four hours. It's good that I decided to come early too...again, it was a matter of expecting the worst (I had to think about traffic, queues, and all that).

If only all our government offices would be as efficient and all government employees would be as pleasant and accommodating as the one I encountered. He told me he hasn't had breakfast yet, which made his cheerful disposition even more surprising. :)

I guess I was just lucky...I know it couldn't always be as easy-breezy as that. But I wish everyone would have the same experience and treatment. That way it wouldn't hurt so much to pay our taxes. ;-)

Tickle Me Stewie

2010-11-25T10:50:00.000+08:00

I've long been convinced that television is evil in a box. I mean take Family Guy for instance. It's crazy, sick, and roll-on-the-floor, side-aching funny. It's so deliciously mean you gotta love it. :D And of course, like most evil things, it's addictive. I always gotta have my fix. Every day.

And Stewie! That Stewie is such a hoot! (Makes me afraid to have babies, haha!

Normal Is As Normal Does

2010-10-31T05:13:00.001+08:00

Time is up! Yep, the SO is flying back to Cebu this morning, and I admit, I'm really not keen on goodbyes or see-you-later-like-in-a-month-or-two. You'd think that after six years of being in a long-distance relationship I'd be used to all the comings-and-goings by now...but I still get that lump in my throat and the watery eyes. I still find it hard to finally release that embrace and close that door without bawling like a baby for about a minute or so. Yeah, I'm such a sap...but hey, I'm a girl after all. ;P

I'm just grateful to have a taste of "normalcy" the past two months. When you and your significant other are living in a different zip code (different islands even), its almost impossible to be a normal couple. You are at the mercy of technology - phonecalls, texts, emails - and it takes a lot of planning and scheduling just to spend a few days together. It's not ideal, but then again, we cope. All in the name of leuv! (Ackh! Cheeeeessse!!! Lol!)

I had a blast though. Had an amazing time. That will pull me through till December (when I'm finally meeting the female parental unit...gasp!)

Anywho...all set for normal (whatever that means.)

Walking Tour of Manila

2010-10-25T08:25:00.009+08:00

The SO's in town for two months (yay!) and we finally got the chance to spend weekends together like a normal couple. :) We love taking walks together and one Sunday - inspired perhaps by Carlos Celdran who just got arrested the previous week for taking a piss at the Church for meddling with government stuff - we decided to take a tour of Manila, on foot.

We woke up at dawn (4am!) and from UN Avenue started walking towards the Cultural Center of the Philippines (a distance of more or less two kilometers), taking pictures along the way.

It was a bit cloudy, but the sun was peeking through the clouds...perfect weather for a stroll indeed.

We enjoyed people-watching while walking and eating taho (soft/silken tofu with tapioca beads and arnibal) - there were couples, families, people jogging, old men fishing (yes, fishing) and kids swimming (yes, swimming!), vendors selling food and other stuff, and even those offering massage services by the seawall (we were tempted, but decided against it hehe). We saw dragon boat racers in training and stopped over to gawk at a father and son playing their bamboo marimba-like instrument.

We even saw this vintage Volkswagen van parked along the road, looking good as new. I found it so deliciously psychedelic I had to take a photo (I'm weird like that).

We rested a bit when we got to the CCP Complex. Did more people-watching...especially the health-buff group doing aerobics and all sorts of exercise regimen around the area. It felt festive! After a yummy omelet and corned beef breakfast at Tropical Hut near Star City, we started heading back. We crossed the boulevard and walked along the other side passing through Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas and the now closed Grand Boulevard Hotel.

We stopped by Rajah Sulayman Park in Malate and passed by the Malate church.

Rajah Sulayman park in Malate

Malate church

Down the street in front of the church there was a food stand selling rice cakes, kutsinta, suman, sapin-sapin, and other Filipino kakanin, which reminded me of breakfast/merienda in the province...my nanay loves kakanin. :)

Just as we started heading back towards Roxas boulevard, we saw a calesa (horse-driven carriage) driving by and on an impulse decided to take a ride to Intramuros. Just like tourists. It was crazy fun! :) The driver, Ariel, was very perky and talkative but apparently photo-shy...he didn't want to have his picture taken, lol. He just volunteered to take our photos when he would stop at the historic tourist-y places and tell us an anecdote or two about them.

Finally we got off at Intramuros, the walled city.

It was like taking a Humanities II trip all over again. I loved the cobblestoned streets, the old (or renovated) buildings that really gave the place a historic feel.

It was my first time to go inside the Manila Cathedral (yeah, I don't go to the Manila area that much) and honestly felt a little underwhelmed. It seemed so much bigger on television. :) Perhaps its because it wasn't really the original structure, which was destroyed and rebuilt numerous times due to typhoons, earthquakes, and of course World War II. I can just imagine how it would have felt like inside if it was still the same structure built in the 1600s.

The Manila Metropolitan Cathedral-Basilica

San Agustin Church reminded me of the the churches we visited during our Ilocos trip back in college. It's designated as a World Heritage Site by UNESCO, under the classification "Baroque Churches of the Philippines." It was completed in 1607, and the interior is awesome, albeit eerily so. I just love structures that look, feel, and smell historic. It's like being brought back in time. :)

San Agustin Church

I didn't even know that Miguel Lopez de Legazpi's tomb was in there. :) Eerie, but really interesting.

Miguel Lopez de Legazpi's tomb inside San Agustin church

Of course, a tour of Manila won't be complete without visiting THE monument of monuments:

Rizal monument (Luneta park)

We also didn't forget to get a photo of Kilometer Zero, right across the street. :)

After all that walking we went and got ourselves halo-halo to cool down. Yummeh.

I think people should do this at least once in their life - explore their own neighborhood. Sometimes we get so busy and caught up with big dreams of traveling the world and seeing other places, that we never get around to seeing - I mean really seeing - the beauty and sense of history that surround us.

Manila is a beautiful city...I mean, once you get past the poverty and traffic and pollution. Hey, even the big cities like New York or Paris have an ugly side to them.

This walking tour has been an experience indeed. And doing it with my significant other made it even more special. I didn't even feel tired.

I'm so ready for more. :))

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Prooky Friday: Fear Us!

2010-10-08T17:45:00.002+08:00

To my dearest, crazy friends. :D
(thanks Karla for the site link on FB)

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Psyched

2010-09-21T11:39:00.006+08:00

Tried out the Personality Pattern Test at psychcentral.com, and apparently I am Aesthetic, Intellectual, and Scrupulous, which means I have "good taste," that I am "interesting to talk to", and I am "honest and fair."

And those are just my top three personality traits (the test result gives the top ten). Here are traits four to ten:

Organized

Competent

Astute

Cooperative

Understanding

Optimistic

Introspective

Well betchabygolly, I sound like a pretty well-balanced person, don't I? ;-D

I forgot that I bookmarked the site (must've seen a link on one of the blogs I usually read) and decided to answer the personality trait test. This is what the questionnaire looks like:

You click on the circle thingies based on whether the trait is exactly like you or the total opposite...or somewhere in the middle.

Personality tests like this are always fun to answer. Sometimes the answer you get can be eerily accurate and sometimes waaay off the bat. Nevertheless, it's fun. Kinda like when you read the horoscope. You know it's a bunch of bull, but you read it anyway just because.

Try it...you know you want to. ;-)

Shoebox and Me

2010-09-13T16:34:00.003+08:00

The SO and I went shoe-shopping last weekend. I wanted to get a new pair of flats because most of my shoes are already starting to fall apart from overuse. :P

I thought of getting flats first because I'm more for comfort than fashion really...and I needed something I can use both for dress up and dress down days at work.

For good, comfortable flat shoes, my brand of choice is Shoebox and Me.

I first encountered Shoebox at the Greenhills Shopping Arcade, where I got the satin flower-print shoes I love so much.

I was happy to discover that they had a little corner at the third level of Glorietta 3, near Digital Exchange, which means I don't have to go all the way to Greenhills. Plus they have more items to choose from at Glorietta. Next time I'm gonna check out their store (or kiosk) at Rockwell, see if they have better designs.

Three reasons why I love Shoebox? They're inexpensive (price ranges from P699 to P800+), comfortable (it's like having cushion for your feet), and they're pretty well-made (I'm talking design and workmanship). If you're a cheapskate like me, it's well worth getting a pair of Shoebox flats instead of those P300-500 pairs they sell in places like St Francis Square or the Greenhills tiangge.

Oh! And they also have half-sizes. Most shoe brands don't have half-sizes anymore. That means I can only choose size 6 shoes, which can be a little snug (I have freakishly long toes, hehe), or size 7 which can be a bit loose. With Shoebox I can get a size 6-and-a-half, which is just right. I guess that's why they're so comfortable to wear.

I also relish the fact that they're not a big shoe-chain (yet)...they don't even have a website, I think (I googled, no luck.) But you can still find their little corner at the mall. :D That removes the intimidating factor that well-known shoe boutiques have, plus they don't have sales attendants that glare at you or follow you around. Oh, and they accept major credit cards, so its convenient for cashless shopping too.

My new shoes didn't even need breaking in...they're gentle as a lamb on my feet. Look 'ma, no calluses! :D

Hasta la vista Shoebox. You haven't seen the last of me.

Happiness is...

2010-09-08T15:28:00.003+08:00

"When you make average great, your dreams will become a reality." - Suze Orman

Most of our lives we aim for something better - better car, more money, better job, ideal personal relationships. More often than not we get discouraged when we get nothing on our plate but what we think is a pathetic version of what we hoped for. There will always be those missed opportunities and greener pastures. We can work all our lives and still just merely scrape by.

This brings me back to our neverending quest for happiness. It doesn't matter how we define happiness. We almost always look toward the horizon for something better to come along, something other than what we already have. We sit and wait, always on transitional mode, and consider everything as temporary. And then we gripe endlessly about feeling lost and never having permanence in our life. We are always afraid to settle.

What is really so bad about settling? Why are we afraid? Why would we rather wait for the unknown than make the best of what we already have?

It's all so exasperating really.

I say, when you have no other option but sheer mediocrity, better be the best at being mediocre than set yourself up to being a complete failure. When you label yourself as average, then that is all that you will ever be...and there will be no contentment, no joy, only misery.

So you get by from paycheck to paycheck, you didn't get the latest iPhone model, you're boobs are not that big, and your significant other is not perfect. Boo-hoo to you. The world is too big, and there are worse things out there like war, and famine, and tragedies that no one deserve. Be grateful. Stop whining.

Be happy.

Prooky Friday: Got Meat?

2010-08-20T21:31:00.002+08:00

It was a colleague's last day at work and he got us this yummy platter of Earle's cold cuts for lunch.

The best of luck to you Roy! You'll surely be missed...Go and follow that cheese!

So...Why Do I Blog?

2010-07-10T11:30:00.002+08:00

The best reward for one who writes is not to be recognized, not really. When one writes it is a great pleasure just knowing that 1) people actually read what you write (unless it's something really nasty you don't want other people to know about), and 2) the people who read what you write actually appreciate and enjoy it. If you happen to influence or inspire or help others with your writing, then that would be a bonus. Getting paid lots of money for it would be manna from the gods!

So it was such a pleasant surprise when I read the post made by Continental Fairy and saw that yours truly was included in her list of "bloggers with substance." It was like getting a star in school when you were a kid. :-)

The rule is to pass the badge and share (in five words) my blogging philosophy.

Before that, the question: why indeed do I have this blog?

I started writing journals in grade school, and like most pre-adolescent girls they were all detailed and verbatim accounts about crushes and what so-and-so did, as well as frustrations and angst and all that stuff. As I got older, the entries became less childish and mundane and more philosophical. There are times I would read back my old entries and feel like it was a different person who wrote them.

I have always claimed (and still do) that writing journals has kept me sober in the most difficult of times. My journals have been the silent and nonjudgmental witness of my heartbreaks, my failures, my errors of judgment.

This blog was originally a collection of what I've written in my journals from 5-6 years ago. I was inspired by my significant other who, may I proudly add, writes very very well. Then, as time went on, it just started a life of its own.

To answer why? Well...like I always say, I love to write. When I write I am not the timid person people perceive me to be. I am, I would like to believe, a person with substance. The writer part of me is the extrovert I've always wanted to be.

So five words...

Here's my ten cents' worth

That's Prookyness* for you. ;-)

And to fulfill my duty as an award recipient (lol) it's time to pass the hat to the people whom I consider to be "bloggers of substance." But before that the rules:

1. Thank the blogger who awarded it to you.

2. Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience using five words.

3. Pass it on to some other blogs which you feel have real substance.

To some of my favorite reads in the blogging world:

TEACHER SOL

STORMGUN

A GOUT STRICKEN PILGRIM

BUHAY CALL CENTER

RADICAL DIYOSA

Here's to you! Pass the badge (if you like)!

President #15, Come On Down!

2010-06-30T10:25:00.002+08:00

Today marks a new era in Philippine history. After nine years we are finally inaugurating a new president, and quite frankly, I've had enough of the outgoing president. So even though I am not one of those people who are overly emotional about this Noynoy thing, I am in a sense relieved.

I don't fully buy into that whole "Noynoy save the country" mentality. I have apprehensions about the people's reasons for electing him. I think he was simply serendipitous - at the right place, at the right moment, with the right family name.

However, I can totally understand why he was elected. We are all getting tired of all the bullshit, and personally, I'm kind of getting sick of the Arroyos (can't stand their faces anymore). And even though they will most probably still wreak havoc in congress (the nerve!), the Filipinos are just more than happy to see the bee-yotch out of sight...for now. (If it means we won't have to see her face in huge billboards boasting of her infrastructure projects all over the land, hallelujah!)

Of course one can't deny the fact that one of the reasons why Noynoy was elected was because he is Ninoy and Cory's son. People think he is a pedigree of sort. His family name alone represents a great era in Philippine history, that of Edsa. Somehow most people equate that with hope, with a new and better beginning.

I'm not gonna be a naysayer here. I think Noynoy has his work cut out for him, but for now let's see what he's really made of. Let's see if he can step out of his parents' shadows and prove to everyone who believe in him that they made the right choice.

Pet Peeves

2010-06-16T14:16:00.001+08:00

There are just some things in my mundane existence that never fail to annoy the heck out of me.

People who walk too slow in front of me, in the mall, on the sidewalk...anywhere. I'm an itty-bitty person and walk in itty-bitty but fast-paced steps, and when I'm on my way somewhere I don't walk like I'm having a leisurely stroll on the surface of the moon. I really hate it when I can't get through a pack of people who decides to mimic Neil Armstrong like everyone else has nowhere else to go. Especially when they occupy the entire hall, or sidewalk, or walkway like they own it.

Drivers who stop at the corner of a right-turn lane waiting for the traffic light to go green so they can drive straight ahead. Dude, if you're not turning right, don't use that lane! Doesn't the sign "right lane must turn right" make any effing sense to you? You're making people late!!! Go back to driving school!

"Honk-happy" drivers...you know, those who think that pressing the car horn during traffic is really fun for everybody. This is most annoying when congestion is really bad, and nobody can do anything. Get a flying car why don't you and stop giving us a splitting headache.

Sales people who follow me around in the department store or a boutique or something. I know they probably want to help (either that or they think I'm gonna do a Winona on them), but I much prefer to be left alone while perusing the merchandise. I hate it when they keep saying "Yan, ma'am, bagay sa inyo yan" (That suits you well) or "May ibang kulay yan ma'am" (It's available in a different color). It completely takes away the pleasure of shopping. They should be trained to be discreet, be available but not too pushy. They should know how to prowl at a safe distance and go for the kill at the proper moment.

Oooh...I bet there'll be a sequel for this post. ;-)

Prooky Friday: Prookcreation

2010-06-04T11:34:00.001+08:00

My roomie has been forever convincing me to learn how to do graphic illustrations using Adobe Illustrator. It seems so complicated for me, and I only have Photoshop. I dabbled a little (with Photoshop) and managed to put some shapes together, hehe. Feeble attempt indeed.

My Favorite Things

2010-05-26T19:22:00.001+08:00

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad...

Maria from "The Sound of Music" sang about raindrops on roses, and snowflakes, and schnitzel with noodles - those were a few of her favorite things.

Mine are as follows (in no particular order):

Sour cream and onion flavored Piattos potato chips dipped in Tostitos Salsa con Quezo (preferrably cold).
Mongolian Quickbox, sweet and spicy, eaten with chopsticks.
Quickly Choco Loco Super!
French fries with mayonnaise. Always with mayo, no catsup please.
Regular coke with ice cubes, drank from a plastic cup...its weird, I know, but I stick to my claim that Coca Cola with ice tastes better in a plastic cup than in a glass/ceramic mug.
Avocados topped with sugar and scraped off with a teaspoon. Or mixed with water, milk, and sugar.
Green peppers on pizza.
Crushed red peppers on pasta.
My grandmother's cooking.
Choral music/musicals.
Cold wind nipping at my nose.
The sound of pouring rain.
Rubbing my feet against my pillow.
Holding hands and cuddling.
Witty repartee with friends.
Hand-written letters.

These are some of the things that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside...and then, just like Maria said, I don't feel so bad.

Home Sweet Home

2010-05-20T20:09:00.002+08:00

Nothing like a trip back home to renew one's spirit.

Got some time off from work so I decided to go home, my first trip back in almost two years. I needed a break from the city, from work. So Sunday afternoon, braving the heat and the crowd, I went to Superlines in Cubao to catch the 3pm trip to my hometown.

I'm not really your girly-girl type, so it was fine for me to take an ordinary bus. I could've opted to take the 8pm trip in an air conditioned Philtranco bus the same day, but I couldn't wait any more. The earlier I arrive home, the better.

My hometown of Daet is ideally a six to eight hour drive from Manila. My ordinary bus ride took about 9 hours. It was very tiring, and my legs and lower back hurt from sitting. But at 12am I was home. My mom and sister and 3 pamangkins greeted me when I arrived.

I managed to visit Bagasbas beach, and of course ate mango sherbet (ginumis) at K Sarap. My mother served fresh fish sinigang for lunch and then of course, my lola's chicken adobo with potatoes. Yum-oh.

Our dog Potchie also had babies two weeks before, and I was so happy to see her puppies, which we have no names for yet.

It was so good to be back. Honestly, I'm not really looking forward to going back to work tonight. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

But I'm happy, tired, achy...but happy to see my family and our old house, and our neighborhood once again. Home is really where the heart is, I'll tell you that, no matter how much I gripe about it. =)

Prooky Friday: Happy Feet

2010-05-07T16:05:00.003+08:00

I love my flat satin baby doll "grandmother" shoes from Shoebox in Greenhills.

Color Me Turquoise

2010-05-03T15:41:00.007+08:00

I was perhaps nine or ten when I learned that my birthstone was turquoise. I thought, well, that doesn't seem very interesting. First of all, it's not a shiny gem like the ruby or diamond. Then there was the complicated spelling, and not knowing how to pronounce it (tur-kwoyz? tur-kwah? turkeys?).

To my pre-adolescent mind it was disappointing to think that whoever thought of this birthstone thingie didn't assign a much more shiny-shimmery rock for my birth-month. It didn't feel special. Why couldn't it have been opal? Those are not as precious as diamonds, but at least it's pretty, opaque like marbles. Turqoise looked like normal rocks...aqua-colored rocks.

I cannot remember now when exactly the revelation came to me that turquoise is actually pretty. I don't even want to use "pretty" because it seems so trite. Slowly I found myself falling in love with it. Something about the tranquility and depth of it, being the color of the sea.

Turquoise has adorned rulers of ancient Egypt, the Aztecs, Persia, Mesopotamia and ancient China. In ancient Mexico it was so revered that "mere mortals" were not allowed to wear it. Turquoise was reserved for the gods. It was a prized possession back in the olden days, but eventually decreased its value. In the '60s it was a favorite among the hippies because it was inexpensive and complemented their style.

Some cultures believe that it awakens feelings of romantic love. It is also believed to have healing powers. They say it changes color depending on the wearer's health and also protects him or her from untoward forces.

Now that costume jewelry is definitely back in fashion, turquoise is once again gaining popularity. I love the different designs from rings to earrings, bracelets, necklaces, bangles, even belt buckles.

One of these days I'm gonna start collecting these...delicious thought that! ;-)

Color me turquoise why don't ya!

Images by alibaba.com, best silver jewelry, stylehive, native american art jewelry, and nevada outback jewelry.

Data sources: Wikipedia, Turquoise Jewelry Facts and Buying Guide.

To Buy Or Not To Buy

2010-04-28T16:18:00.003+08:00

I'm seriously thinking about buying a Samsung ES60 digital camera. A red one.

It's just one of those not too expensive point-and-shoot cameras, nothing too fancy (me being a cheapskate, hehe). For its price range, it's got some really cool features including 12.2 mega pixels, 3x optical zoom, Face Detection, Red Eye Fix, and Beauty Shot which is like having Photoshop built in. My favorite is the Retro mode...love the effect and the fact that I don't have to edit the pictures to make it look aged.

The picture quality is also not bad for a camera that is less than 8K in price. One of my team mates had some photos printed and it turned out very nice, with very vivid colors.

The main thing that I like about it is that it has lithium ion batteries. That's my number one requirement. Why buy the ones with AA batteries for the same price range? That's just impractical.

So yeah, I'm seriously thinking about getting one. Although I'm still weighing it in terms of practicality. Do I really need a digital camera right now? Yeah, I can use it for blogging and stuff...but do I really need it?

I'm just not one to buy gadgets on a whim, not even those that are practically cheap, and as far as gadgets go this baby is a steal.

I'm still trying to invent a practical reason for getting one, aside from "I just want one, and I can probably afford it anyway."

Well...let's just say that I'm waiting for them to drop the price even lower. Lol!

My PRC License Registration Experience, Epilogue

2010-04-22T09:55:00.003+08:00

Finally, a year and some months after passing the Licensure Examination for Teachers, I got my license. Compared to my previous experiences while registering and applying for the license, the claiming of the ID card was relatively uneventful.

Went to window 22, dropped my claim stubs, waited for my name to be called, and voila! The guy behind the window handed me my ID and official receipt, asked me to sign my PERRC and that's it. Took a mere 3-5 minutes.

And here it is finally, my professional license. My mother would be happy.

Thanks PRC for the harrowing but interesting experience. See you again in three years.

Prooky Friday: Silent Mode

2010-04-02T17:15:00.002+08:00

My phone's been awfully quiet lately...

The SO (Significant Other) flew to the US two days ago for some vacation time with his mom and sisters.

I'm missing my "No One's Happier Than I" ringtone...

Voters' Choice

2010-03-30T08:48:00.005+08:00

I found this website while searching for information about candidates running for the May 2010 elections.

http://ph.politicalarena.com/

It's very informative. Not only does it have each candidate's personal profile and political lineup, it also has their different views and platforms about certain issues that would be helpful for voters.

I suggest, especially to first time voters that you check out sites like this to choose your candidates wisely. After all, there are a lot more reasons to elect people who will be responsible for our country's wellbeing than their TV and print ads, celebrity status, bloodline, or how much money they have in their bank accounts.

2010-03-27T14:40:00.001+08:00

Campaign period for the 2010 National Elections officially started yesterday. That is the reason why I got stuck in traffic on my way home from work for two days in a row now. Convoys of cars and motorcycles and trucks filled with posters and tarpaulins and stickers litter the streets, and it takes forever for them to pass through an intersection - especially on a busy crossroad like the corner of Makati Avenue and JP Rizal in Makati.

Yesterday it was a sea of blue and yellow...today it was blue and orange. Jejomar Binay, who is running for Vice President, was in the convoy I saw today. I overheard people saying "Asan si Erap?" (Where is Joseph Estrada?). Must've been Erap's party then.

Well, it would've been interesting to see Erap - he was a former president after all, and an artista to boot. I've only seen two Philippine Presidents in person...one of them is Gloria Arroyo, and the other was Ferdinand Marcos, or rather ~~his remains~~ what remains of him at that mausoleum in Batac, Ilocos Norte during our Humanities II trip. Hey, I didn't say they were both alive!

So the chaos has officially began. Traffic will be hell for a couple of weeks again. The streets and public facades will be littered with campaign posters, which nobody remembers to clean up when the election is done. And don't get me started on those campaign posters!!! Those leering, smiling faces with cheesy slogans! Argh!

I should start taking photos and post them on my other blog. Hmmmm...

Speaking of elections, I still have no idea who to vote for President. I'm also not sure if I'll be able to vote at all because of my work schedule...and I'm registered in Bicol.

I'll try my best to go home to vote. Not that it would matter...but hey, what if it does?

It's Dr. Seuss's Birthday!!!

2010-03-03T10:25:00.006+08:00

(It's still March 2nd, PST)

http://fancypantsy.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/seuss-big.jpg

I would never forget those early years in school - I must've been in kindergarten or first grade - when we would spend time in the library each day. I would go straight to the children's book section, sit on the furry carpet or grab one of the small pillows, and take one of the numerous books from the shelves. That is when I met Dr. Seuss and his odd friends.

http://thehaystackneedle.typepad.com/.a/6a01053610d3e6970b0112791912bb28a4-pi

Today, looking at the images that were so much a part of my childhood brings me a feeling of nostalgia. They never fail to bring back that childhood joy I felt poring through those colorful pages, staring at the weird-looking characters. Its as if I am brought back to that small, musty old library, oblivious to everybody else, taking a trip to all those wonderful strange places.

http://www.sewardlibrary.org/kids/review_graphics/greeneggs.gif

http://open.salon.com/blog/mid_life_creases/2009/01/30/files/dr-seuss1233366400.jpg

I would love to collect all of Dr. Seuss's books...

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ftKKJSLrmotNlM:http://sacramentoscoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/drseussbirthday.jpg

Happy 106th birthday Dr. Seuss!

Thank you for the colorful and quirky world you introduced to us as children. I hope someday my own children will get to know you too.

My PRC License Registration Experience, Part 2

2010-01-29T18:52:00.007+08:00

Okay, so after a bit of procrastinating (about a year in fact), I finally took it upon myself to take on the PRC license registration challenge once and for all (by Huk or Balahap, as one of my UP professors used to be fond of saying). I admit that I was a bit disheartened when I first went there in February of last year only to be told that I couldn't register until I had my PERRC (Permanent Examination and Registration Record Card) transfered from Legazpi city, where I took the board exam. The pessimist in me believed that it would take ages for the request to be granted, and knowing full well the efficiency of the Philippine postal office, I was convinced that my chances at getting my hands on that PRC ID was zilch unless I go down to Legazpi city myself...which I wasn't really keen on doing.

So I ended up doing the next seemingly best thing -- nothing...with occasional thoughtful bursts of "Gosh, I really should be doing something about my license...but then...(reasons, reasons, reasons)." Admittedly, I was neglectful...and yeah, lazy. I actually typed a letter of request just a few days after I went to PRC but never got around to printing it. I kept telling myself, next rest day I'll send it...which became next rest day, and the next, and then soon the year has ended. The letter of request remained a Word document file in my thumbdrive.

But the new year gave me a different resolve. Like I have stated here, I needed to get that license. But first, there was that issue about the registration. I asked my sister (who was in Bicol) to give the PRC Region 5 office a call, actually preparing to trek off back there if worse comes to worst. She couldn't contact them, so I searched the PRC website for more contact information and I saw that there was an email address for each of the regional offices. Thinking it could be a bit of a stretch, but there was nothing to lose anyway, I wrote an email explaining my circumstance and asking if I needed to send a letter through post and if I can still go to Legazpi to register if ever. That same day I received their reply saying that they would be sending my PERRC to the main office the next morning and that I can register the following week. I was flabbergasted, I let out a loud yelp and was all giddy with excitement. That was too easy!!! If I'd known about that email address I wouldn't have waited so long to make that request!

So after a week I set off with my teammate to PRC.

Of course one's visit to a government office would not be complete without its usual annoyances. Turned out it was LET application season for April 2010, so the Office of Professional Teachers was packed. Then when we came up to one of the windows to ask where to go for license registration, the woman behind it looked at me, made a movement like she was looking for something, and then went back to checking an applicant's documents as if nothing happened. Sure, I understand that she was swamped, but a few seconds just to utter something that resembles an answer would have been nice.

Off I went to the next window, this time a guy was behind it, and asked again. He asked "Nakapasa ka na?" to which I replied yes, trying hard not to add that I wouldn't be registering for a license if I haven't passed the board yet obviously. At least he was helpful, telling us to go to Window 18 or 19 at one o'clock. So I gave him my sweetest smile and thanked him.

After grabbing lunch, my teammate and I went back to PRC and was accosted by the lady guard (who wasn't there when we first came in), demanding to see PRC IDs or documents that are PRC-related. Good thing I brought my old registration forms from last year. My teammate was not so lucky. (She went with me to inquire what to do about her registration, since she took the LET in Region 8). Since she didn't have anything to show, and there was a sign saying "bawal ang kasama sa loob" (meaning only those who are actually applying for the board or whatever can come in), she was asked to remain outside. I immediately glared at the guard and started to argue, to which she just replied snappishly "Sorry PO! Yun ang patakaran," (That's the rule) or something to that effect. My teammate just urged me to go on, saying that she'll stay outside.

So up I go to the Office of Professional Teachers again, wading through the crowd towards window 18. I asked one of those who were in queue where they got the registration form, and he just motioned somewhere by the entrance. I walked around the entire office but didn't see anyone giving out forms. So I asked one of the people there again and somebody told me the forms were available downstairs.

Down three flights of steps I went, a girl on my tail - she was also a new registrant and she said she had been standing upstairs near the windows for a while before I came without an inkling what to do and where to go. She followed me as I went to another line of windows and asked a guy inside (he looked like he was on OJT or something) where to get registration forms for teacher's license. He thought for a moment and said "Sa kabilang building." So I went with the girl to the other building and asked again, and the guy at one of the windows told us the forms were available at the customer service counters near the gate. (Duh! Couldn't anyone upstairs or from the other windows just have told us that!)

Finally, with forms all filled up I went back upstairs and stood in line, reading the notices posted on the glass panes to amuse myself. My heart skipped a beat when I read the paper posted on Window 18. It was a regulation passed June 2009 saying that all new registrants MUST register at the regional office where they took the exam. Uh-oh. I steeled myself for an impending challenge. I was ready to hear the words that came out of the woman's mouth when she checked my record on the computer: "Oy, Legazpi ito!" and she handed back my form to the guy behind the window. I was prepared, I was already telling them that I went there to register last year and was told to request for my PERRC to be transferred and I emailed the regional office and they said they were going to send it, in one breath.

The guy was looking at me exasperatedly, with a mocking half-smile, like I'm some moron who has to be told what is right.

Guy at window: "Kelan ka nag-email?" (When did you send the email?)

Me: (a bit rattled) "Mga two weeks ago..."

Guy at window: "Ah, hindi ipapadala yun. Ayan miss o (pointing at the paper posted on the glass pane), bawal na yun, hindi ipapadala yun, di ipapadala yun." (They won't send it [PERRC], it's not allowed anymore. They're not going to send it. They're not going to send it.)

Fortunately this woman beside him said she was going to check it out, and she went into the back of the room, I guess to flip through some files. And my heart swelled when she came back holding my PERRC, I guess much to the surprise of the guy behind the window. (Hah!) They made some verifications, and finally they gave me back the forms and pointed me to the cashier to pay the fees.

I could've danced toward the cashier's window. I guess my smile was infectious because the woman behind the counter was also smiling at me when I thanked her after getting my receipt (which was for me unusual because they are always a surly lot).

I couldn't help but beam at that guy behind Window 18 when he gave me the registry to fill up and sign.

Finally, I was registered. I got two strips of paper in my hand with my license number (my license number!!!) and a note that says to claim in two months. Hoorah!

I am really grateful to the PRC Region 5 office for coming through for me. I mentioned in my email that I was advised by the OPT to request for a transfer which was the truth, albeit it was out of ignorance of the changes that they made to the rules. Had I known, I would not have insisted. They could've just told me about those changes in their reply anyway. Perhaps they took pity on me, seeing how much of an inconvenience it is for someone who's now residing and working in Manila to travel back more or less 538 kms just to fill up forms.

In any case, I am indeed thankful and relieved. It was one hurdle less to tackle. My mother would be pleased.

Onwards to 2010

2010-01-07T10:08:00.002+08:00

It's another new year, and the start of a new decade. Amazing how time just flies by.

Well, time for the old (or should I say, new) resolution list. Mine is simple really: put my adult life paraphernalia in order.

First off, my license. My LICENSE!!! Gosh. Mother's going to kill me if I don't do anything about getting my teaching license in the next few weeks. She keeps telling me I'm wasting "service time" (I'm not getting any younger y'know), which is true in all aspects. Here I am just wasting away my skills (and voice) talking to strangers overseas every single day...er, night. It's been a year since I passed the board. I should be out there, setting the wheels in motion, enriching young minds, making my mark!!! Ah well.

Second, my government issued identification cards. Can you believe that the only government-issued card I have is the TIN ID, and you can't even use it for financial transactions in the bank or to get a passport (which is another matter)? Sheez.

So for the first quarter of this new year I resolve to become a bonafide member of society by having my government-issued digitized or otherwise identification cards in hand. (Why do we need so many anyway? We should just have one single ID that would suffice for any legal and financial transaction anywhere, so as to get rid of all the red tape and bureaucratic crap...all to get a plastic identification card. Hay!)

So I'll most probably be giving PRC, SSS, NBI, DFA, the post office (and maybe even PRC Legazpi) a visit in the next three months.

I've only got the plans down pat for the first quarter. Next will be a little bit tricky...might involve a bit of a change, maybe a huge one. I can't say yet. But I look forward to being a full-fledged adult this year (hehe).

And yes, big thanks to old 2009 for being such a wonderful year. Not without the minor slips, but it's been a nice journey nonetheless.

Here's to another great year ahead!

Paying It Forward

2009-12-18T08:22:00.012+08:00

The best thing about winning something is the reward that follows. But even better than the reward itself is the opportunity to share the victory with others.

True to our competitive spirit, Team 45 a.k.a. "Pearl's Angels" received another badge of merit for getting the highest donations for the World Hunger Program. This gave us a chance to share our reward with a charity of our choice.

On December 8, 2009 OIC Pearl Vitto and the team trooped to Macardo St. in Makati to share a few hours of fun with the children of Marco Polo Care Center (a shelter for children 3-9 years old, handled by Virlanie Foundation).

It was a joy to see the children's faces. Donned in their best Sunday attire they put on their party hats with gusto and played with the balloons that were used to decorate the place. Party proper started with a program hosted by the marketing team of McDonald's Valero (Cat, et.al) whom we hired for the event. It included parlor games which gave the team an opportunity to bond with the kids.

During one of the games, I instantly bonded with a little girl called Dana who never let go of my hand as if I was her big sister. It's amazing how most of them immediately warmed up to us, without any hesitation. Some of them were a bit timid and took a little coaxing, but they were all good-natured in general.

I think the whole team enjoyed the games as much as the kids did. We had to assist them with some of the games and as always, the competitive spirit in some of us were apparent. =)

The Marco Polo experience was something new for us. It was an experience that imbibed in us a spirit of giving and sharing something that we've worked hard for without asking anything in return. The children's laughter, their smiles, their simplicity were the real reward. It makes one feel grateful and appreciative of what he has. These children had been through a lot at their age, and to see them embrace joy for the simplest of things like a toy, or the attention of an outsider tells us that some things cannot be bought, and that pure happiness comes not from how much we acquire, but by how much we give in return.

(Thanks to kgb's Pizza Hut management and to the children and caretakers of Marco Polo Care Center for giving our team this wonderful opportunity.)

2009-09-09T13:22:00.003+08:00

Its been a while. I've been busy, sleeping, working, but mostly sleeping.

Sometimes I wake up and think it's six in the morning and I totally missed going to work (my new shift is at 1am now); I would panic, but of course I would see the actual time and realize it's six in the evening, and that I still have a few hours of sleep to spare.

My boyfriend says my work schedule is frying my brain. Can't say I don't agree. But I'm used to it now, though I still sometimes find myself aching for normalcy. Normal work hours, normal weekends...days off during holidays...vacation leaves for Christmas...

It's been almost a year. Wow.

I hope I find more time to write...

2009-04-07T22:29:00.002+08:00

Lenten season.

I'm trapped here in the city. As much as I would have loved to go home for the Holy Week, I can't. I have to work. Not by choice. And that's why I wouldn't be able to attend our fifteenth high school class reunion. (Gasp! Fifteenth!)

Good news is my significant other will be coming over...

Tit for tat.

Love it.

What Prooky Wants 1

2009-03-10T10:46:00.011+08:00

I know not everyone will admit, but we are all materialistic in a sense. We want things. We get higher-paying jobs so we can afford things, and most of these we don't really need. I'm right, and you know it.

These are the things I want. I don't necessarily need them, but hey, I want them anyway.

I want a new phone. A Sony Ericsson K800 Cybershot phone. My S.O. has the exact same one and I want it. I hope to buy in a few months time, when I have saved enough moolah. At least this one I can afford.

I want a Macbook. This one I might not be able to afford in my lifetime, hehehe. It's too expensive, it would take me forever to save up for this.

I want a teddy bear poodle. How can a dog and teddy bear have puppies? What will they think of breeding next? Of course the momma's not a teddy bear silly...but they really do look like teddy bears, especially the orangey ones. Cutie!!! Also expensive. Plus, my boyfriend warns me, no dogs in future home allowed. (Such a grump, but I love him anyway) I'm sure I can convince him otherwise, one of these dayss...wink wink.

I want Magnolia juice drinks back! I notice that there aren't any more Magnolia Fruit juices sold in supremarkets now...I used to buy those 1 liter tetra packs of Magnolia mango juice drink, especially when I have a cold. Now they're gone. Sniff, sniff. Since Nestle ate up Magnolia, the products we used to know from childhood slowly disappeared - or else changed appearance. I still remember those Magnolia fruit juice bottles, and the Magnolia ice cream cups my mother used to buy me after going to mass. I remember Magnolia ice cream houses, especially the big one on Aurora Blvd. (Now I heard it's called Nestle Creamery or something) Hay, how things change. And not always for the better mind you.

2009-03-03T17:58:00.003+08:00

You think you know a person, but you really don't. You only know what they tell you about themselves, or what you hear about them from other people.

When we love someone, we choose to trust them. We believe what they tell us to be true, even though deep inside we are racked with doubts...even though other people think we are ridiculously stupid for doing so.

My PRC License Registration Experience

2009-02-24T11:54:00.005+08:00

A couple of weeks ago I thought it was a good idea to go to the PRC main office after doing a five-hour rest day overtime. I thought I might as well satisfy my curiosity about whether or not I can register for my professional teacher's license here in Manila even though I took the exam in Legazpi city, since I've been researching the web for the longest time, anxious about not being able to register last December and take the oath. I was really afraid that there was a deadline and that they might make me take the board exam again if I missed it (some crazy person told me this, I can't remember who). On one of the forums I participated in the moderator told me I should not worry about it because I already passed the exam, the only thing I should do is register and I should probably inquire at the nearest PRC office.

{Okay, so I admit I procrastinated. Last December I had a lot of opportunities to go to PRC to at least inquire about the registration but I didn't, and opted instead to take note of the phone numbers posted on their website thinking I could probably just call and inquire about all the requirements and stuff. Much to my disappointment, my phone calls were left unanswered. I didn't have the luxury of time to gallivant around the city, so I guess I just listed the task off on my "to-do-list" and forgot about it.}

But that day I was determined to have the task done.

So I rode the bus to LRT Buendia station, took the train to Carriedo and got off...I knew I was lost the moment I set foot off that LRT station. I am not very street smart, especially not in Manila. I don't think I've ever set foot in Quiapo alone (I don't even remember the last time I was in Quiapo - or if ever I had been there before...) I was walking around, looking for a jeep I could ride but all the jeeps were bound for Divisoria or Blumentritt (I don't know where that is either).

I found myself right smack on Plaza Miranda. I remember thinking how small the place seemed, not very much like how imagined it would be. And for the first time I found myself inside Quiapo church. I know I should've taken the time to at least kneel down and say a coupleof prayers, especially about not being completely lost, but my one-track mind just wanted to look for a way out of there, off to Morayta where I should be heading.

I went out on the other side on this wide avenue (which I now know to be Quezon Boulevard) and I didn't realize till later that I had to cross that wide avenue to ride a jeep to my destination. Tired and hot, but still in good disposition (I was determined to enjoy the experience and learn from it; besides old Manila has its charm despite the chaos and the grime), I decided to have lunch at McDonald's and thanks to a phone call to my sister in Sta Rosa, I learned that I should take the underpass to Quezon Boulevard and ride a jeep at least to Recto where I should find a jeep going to Morayta. Well, actually she told me I could walk all the way to Recto because it's not quite far. And I did. I was just amazed that there really were so many shops there selling fake IDs and transcripts, I remember thinking I should just have a fake license done, might be faster, hehe. Erase, erase.

Finally I got my jeep. I sat really close to the driver and asked him if he can drop me off to PRC and he did (bless him), at the corner of Morayta. And I was ecstatic. I was finally there!!! After two hours!!!

So I went to the Office of Professional Teachers, got my Oath Form and application for certificate of registration, filled it up, paid for documentary stamp, went out to the sidewalk to buy the most expensive grade school cornstarch paste I've ever bought (5 pesos, and I think really costs only 1.50) to paste my photos on the forms, withdrew some money from the ATM machine inside the PRC premises...my thoughts were: "Wow, this is really going smoothly!"

Well, I was way ahead of myself apparently.

This girl at the window (who was, in fairness, really nice) took my form, tinkered with the computer and then slightly frowned and said, "Legazpi?" Uh-oh.

Lady at window waving a card she took from the counter: "Napa-transfer mo na ba 'yung ganito mo?" (Have you had this transferred?)

Prooky: (puzzled look)

Lady at window: "Yung PERRC* card mo." (Your PERRC card.)
*It's the card we filled up during our board exam application bearing our permanent registration number.

Prooky: "Uh, kailangan pa pala yun?" (Is that necessary?)

Lady at window: "Oo, kasi sa Legazpi ka pala nag-exam." (Yes, because you took the exam in Legazpi.)

Prooky: "Hindi eh..." (No.)

Lady at window: (calls somebody and tells me to wait)

Prooky: "Miss, eh di kailangan ko pa pumunta sa Legazpi?" (So miss, I need to go to Legazpi?)

Lady at window: "Hindi naman, kailangan lang ma-transfer yung PERRC card mo dito...sandali lang ha..." (Not really, just have your PERRC card transferred here...just a moment...) and she goes to the back of the room.

My thoughts at this point: Damn!

When the lady came back she handed me back my forms and gave me a piece of paper with the name of the PRC Region V Director and the address and telephone number in Legazpi and told me to write a letter of request for the Region V office to send PRC main office my PERRC card. Sigh.

Prooky: "Miss, may deadline ba ang registration?" (Is there a deadline for the registration?)

Lady at window: "Wala, pag na-receive na namin yung card mo, anytime pwede ka mag-register." (No, once we receive your card you can register anytime.)

At least one of my mind-boggling questions were answered: there was no deadline for registration. Meaning I won't have to retake the exam after all, just in case.

Ah well. A futile attempt, but it did bear some fruits. At least now I know how to get to the PRC main office, and at least now I know that I shouldn't have to lose sleep over the deadline.

But I still wonder why they can't just have me register and sign the book of registry or whatever the hell it's called, since my name as one of the board passers IS in their database anyway, and the permanent registration number is right there I'm sure...why the fuss about the actual card, which I'll have to send a letter to Legazpi for and God only knows how long it will take them to reply and send it here? Sigh. Bureaucracy at its best. This sure beats the essence of "computerization" and "technology".

When it comes to government agencies I don't understand why simple procedures that could take only a few measly minutes can take a looooooooonnnnggg time to process. Maybe they get a kick out of making people miserable, making people wait, making people go back and forth, spending money on transportation, wasting precious time queueing only to be told to come back the next day or the next week because so and so is not there to sign or so and so forms are not available.

I'm planning on applying for my digitized SSS ID too...I've heard a lot of horror stories. I'm bracing myself.

2009-02-17T19:41:00.006+08:00

It's been four months since I started a life here in the city. It's been interesting and different, for sure. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, but there were some challenging moments. My schedule has been everything but normal, with weekend starts and midweek weekends. For the last four months it went from 7am-3pm, to 5am-1pm, which changed again to 12:45am-9:45am; until finally my present 3am-12pm schedule. I learned to ride cabs alone, in the wee hours of the morning, which really made me nervous the first few times. (You hear horror stories about cab drivers ripping passengers off or robbing them, you get paranoid, especially when you've never really lived in the city.) The worst part was being sick with laryngitis and mild bronchitis (which left me literally breathless) and having to take care of myself. It came to a point one time that I have been in tears - silent though it was - taking calls while my throat hurt like hell. Despite it all, not once did I ever miss work, or ever been even a second late clocking in.

And somehow it has been paying off. For one, I am earning more than I've ever had in my life (which is not really much, just enough to keep me afloat, pay my bills, you know). I just got regularized too, which means I will now be entitled to benefits like certain allowances, insurance, vacation leaves and all.

The best part about being here in Manila is that it gave me and my significant other a chance to be together a couple of times, after three years of being apart. However, we are still living apart, which gets tougher each day.

This is my dilemma right now... My present life, my job, is here; but my heart is out there, miles away in the heart of Cebu.

I can't help but feel like everything that I'm doing here is just transitional. It doesn't mean anything...it's not making any difference. I feel like there is something out there waiting for me to make it happen, and I am torn and helpless about it. Part of me is grateful that I even have a job which pays better than most, which in its own little way allows me to help out my family when they need it. But part of me incessantly keeps asking that question: is this what I really want. And I know that it's not.

Lately I've been contemplating on giving all this up to once again uproot myself and finally keep my end of a promise made a long time ago. Despite what I have going on right now I am miserable because deep in my heart I know that I should be somewhere else, doing something better than what I am currently doing, being with someone who has been patiently waiting for me to finally make that leap. It's been four years too long.

Hey Hey...Its 2009!

2009-01-02T20:41:00.003+08:00

It's 2009, can you believe it? Wow.

I had the (mis)fortune of working new year's day, the 3am shift no less. At first I thought I should go to work before 12am so I can still get a ride, but I realized when Bikey and I were on our way to anticipated mass that it would be much more scary to go out before midnight because of all the fireworks. So I decided to risk it and just go to work around 2am, after all the fireworks frenzy died down.

So I walk out of the apartment building at 2am and it was like walking into a post-war-zone-cum-horror-movie-set. The streets were empty and littered with firecracker trash and the air was filled with smoke. It took me a few minutes to find a taxi, and as we rode along through Makati bridge and strraight through Makati Avenue, I noticed how hazy the city was. It was so eerie and it felt like Freddy Kruger or Jason or a couple of zombies might jump out from one of the dark corners somewhere.

It was amazing how eerily quiet it was as well when just a few hours earlier it was like being in Gaza strip with all the explosions and lights. Bikes and I just feasted our eyes with the colorful fireworks we can see from the bedroom window.

It's my first Christmas and New Year's away from family, and well, you know, I think sometimes holidays are overrated. I refused to be all emotional about having to work and not being able to go home. I have been home for the last four years and our holidays have been no less ordinary. Granted that its always good to have family around, but my mindset right now is that its better to start the year productively.

This year promises a whole lot for me. It's going to be better for sure and I look forward to all the surprises and challenges it would bring.

Happy New Year y'all! Be good now.

Quest for a Nokia CA-42 cable

2008-11-24T09:36:00.007+08:00

Since I moved to the city I have been wanting to post some of the photos I took using my Nokia phone. It's not a fancy shmancy phone (I've had it for three years) but at least I can take pictures with it - some are even surprisingly good (depending on the light I think, or the angle, whatever) - since I can't afford my dream Cybershot phone...YET!!! Hehe.

The phone has no Bluetooth nor a memory card, it has Infrared. And since I'm a cheapskate and did not want to shell out 600 buckaroos to buy the connectivity cable (which I really believe should come with the phone when you buy it, hmp!), I bought myself an IR USB device, for a couple hundred bucks less. It served its purpose, I was able to upload my photos to my PC back in Daet using the Nokia PC Suite I downloaded from the Internet. However, right now I can't seem to make it work. I left my Installer CD in Sta Rosa, so I had to download the PC Suite again, but it's been upgraded. Now it won't detect my phone. I guess I need the CD to install the hardware for the USB IR device, but I can actually trasfer files from the PC to the phone, so I don't know why it wouldn't do it the other way around. Sigh!

My roommate said I can find connectivity cables at CD-R King, but we went there this weekend and there's no CA-42 cable. Sucks.

It frustrates me that the cable has to be product specific. Why can't they just one connectivity cable for all phone models! And why oh why don't they just include it in the freaking package when you buy it?

Till I can afford a new phone with all the fancy shmancy features, I'd have to find a CA-42 cable for my Nokia 6070. And since I'm still cheap (hehe), I'd walk into every CD-R King store all over just to find one.

Sheez. Better just get the original cable for a cost huh? Wah.

(photo from myworldphone.com)

Maestra Po!!!

2008-11-20T18:35:00.004+08:00

I just learned last Monday that I passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers (LET). Yay!!! Out of 111,666 examinees...I got lucky.

I didn't even go to any review center because I didn't have the moolah. I just gathered all my notes from school, my photocopies and lecture notes - it took me a week of serious filing just to get them organized. My boyfriend also gave me one of those reviewers so I used it to test my knowledge after reading.

When June came I was already in panic mode, because most of my classmates enrolled themselves in review classes which started in April and would end in September. I was anxious because I thought I didn't have enough material for the exam coverage, and I was reviewing at my own pace which was a couple of hours twice a day. Just reading, then testing myself. About a month or so before the exam date I went to Laguna and found a comprehensive reviewer for Professional Education, and my major which was English and Literature. I photocopied the two booklets which belonged to my niece's teacher who was also an English major and was set to take the board. Those booklets, I believe now, saved my arse. Most of what was in the Prof. Ed. and Major part of the exam can be found in those reviewers.

Basically it all boiled down to self-discipline and sheer will. There was a time I got so depressed because I felt I had so little time to study everything. I actually thought I was doomed to fail. The fact that most of the people I know, like my teachers and schoolmates, expected me to pass with flying colors only added to the pressure. I almost didn't want to take the exam.

But hey, here I am...not certified yet, but I got through the first step! I am more than grateful. I got one less thing to worry about.

September

2008-09-24T12:51:00.002+08:00

"Do you remember, the twenty first night of september..."

That EW and F tune is quite catchy. September is a kind month, a respite from the JJA months, a month of change.

For me September started out with a long-awaited reunion with the love of my life. Three years after, can you imagine. That's just in time because I really needed it - we both did. We were on the brink of - I don't know - a downward slide you may call it... Distance does put a lot of strain in a relationship, no matter how much you love each other. But hey, we're still here...four years and stiiiilll going.

The reunion gives me a bit of fuel to get me through another "ordeal" this coming Sunday. I'm starting to freak out just thinking about it, so I better write all about it after na lang.

Hay, I miss blogging. More to come...I hope, when I get settled down. I'm still floating.

Licensure Exam For Teachers 2008

2008-06-06T17:47:00.004+08:00

For fresh graduates of BSE and BEED, the next step would be taking the Licensure Exam for Teachers. The next one is scheduled for September 28, 2008 (Sunday). Here are the requirements needed for application:

Original and photocopy of Transcript of Records (with Special Order for graduates of private institutions) and Date of Graduation, with scanned picture and with remarks "for board examination purposes only"
Original and photocopy of NSO issued Birth Certificate (with original receipt)
4 pcs. passport size colored pictures with complete name tag in white background
Current Community Tax Certificate (cedula)
1 pc metered postage stamped window envelope (I think this may be bought at the PRC office where you file your application)
Examination fee of Php 900.00
Other requirements required by Commission or PRC

The deadline for filing application is on JULY 31, 2008.

For inquiries and clarifications you may call the PRC Main Office (Manila)
(02) 3140024

or the PRC Regional Offices near you.

To those who, like me, hail from Camarines Norte and are planning to file their application in Legazpi city, I heard from one of the local radio stations that the PRC-Region V office might be sending some people to Daet to accommodate applications so that we wouldn't have to travel 4 hours and suffer the long lines at Legazpi. Wouldn't that be convenient? It's still a rumor though, I'm not sure if they will push through with it. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Good luck y'all.

Haunted by UP

2008-04-09T17:48:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow is my graduation day. Finally! After 14 years, I am finally getting my degree. Wahahaha.

It has been pretty tough for me these past three to four weeks, starting with my computer crashing at the time I needed it the most; then the thing I wanted SO bad was denied me. The school has totally sucked out the joy of graduation from me.

Here's why:

My general weighted average is 1.57. I am a transferee from UP Los Baños (after 6years of hiatus), and only two of my previous subjects, Hum II (Art, Man, & Society) and Math 11 (College Algebra) were credited. The previous College Registrar (who passed away two years ago) assured me that it was okay to have those two subjects credited, and I was glad at the time because that's 6 less units to take. All the rest of my total 175 units, I took as a regular student for 4 whole years.

Two weeks ago I approached the College Registrar to inquire about the application for honors. I was told that my grades still needed to be evaluated, and since the final grade sheet for our off campus training wasn't in yet, I have to come back another day. So I did, and I was told that because I was a transferee and I had two subjects credited, my previous transcript will be included in the evaluation. My jaws dropped and I reacted with a resounding "Ngeh!" Since I took most of my subjects in my present school, I thought my previous grades in UP would be irrelevant when I applied for honors. Apparently it's not.

My UPLB transcript is a tragedy. I had the rare 1.5 and 1.75s, but most of my grades ranged from 2.0 to 5.0 (I was force dropped in so many of my subjects. I was crazy, what can I say). And the registrar insisting that THAT transcript be included in my evaluation for honors only meant one thing - I don't have a chance in HELL in qualifying. She also told me that she had to discuss my case with the Dean and the VP for Academic Affairs, so she really can't decide at the moment if I should apply or not. So I let the matter go despite feeling downhearted. My fellow English major asked the Dean about my case and the Dean said the failing grades of my previous transcript should not be included because I have a new evaluation sheet.Still, I felt downhearted and started to convince myself that perhaps I really was not meant to get the award...

Then last Thursday the registrar tells me to write an application for honors and to come to her office first thing the following morning (glimmer of hope!). But, she reminded me, the Dean and the VPAA still has to approve my application. So I wrote the letter and went to her office early the next day. Her assistant checked all my grades and gave me my certification. Then they had me photocopy my UP transcript because it would be attached to my application. Fast forward to Tuesday...the Dean asked me why I attached my previous transcript, because just by looking at it she wouldn't be able to recommend me. And I told her that the registrar told me to attach it. Yadda yadda. The College Secretary told me that I shouldn't have had the two subjects credited so that my slate was clean. (Go tell Mrs Elizario that! She's dead, so she can't vouch for me!) The dean went to talk to the VPAA personally, and finally, after much ado, they told me that they cannot include me in the cum laude list because it has to be approved by the Board, and it was already too late, yadda yadda. But (BUT!) they were going to give me a "With Honors" medal to be given during the Recognition Day. And that's it.

Okay. They succeeded in not only breaking my heart, but my spirit. My grade point average is 1 point freaking 57! Did that matter? No. They had to dangle hope in my face and in the end yank it away. Yeah, so they gave the "with honors" thingie...AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT! I wasn't even in the program. Sure, the dean gave me a special citation during the recognition rites raving about my "exemplary academic performance" (if I was so "exemplary" why couldn't they give me cum laude?), and my being one of the school's pride blah blah. Consuelo de bobo. Then they told me before they brought down the axe not to have any hard feelings about it becasue even though I won't be in the honors, they all think I'm "magaling".

It only added salt to my already festering wound. Sigh. Yeah, I was hurt by the registrar's deliberate effort to "wash their hands" of me. They knew the Dean and the VPAA won't give it to me, so why did they let me apply? Yung blocmate kong kasabay ko mag-apply pinahabol nila yung name sa Invitation (kasama ako dapat, but nilaglag talaga yung name ko because even before the VPAA and the Dean saw our papers, her name was already on the program and mine wasn't which meant that I really had no chance in hell of getting it in the first place!) Why fuel my expectations at all?

I freaking deserve that award. I worked hard for it, and because of two measly subjects I took 12 years ago, I was deprived of it. It's like the only basis of my whole academic record at this stupid school were my grades in UP. Duh! As if everything I've done for the past 4 years did not really matter.

Sigh. I'm just bitter. Bitter bitter bitter. Hehe. It'll pass. It's actually funny. After 14 years one would think UP has gotten rid of me entirely, but no. It's haunting me till this very day. Argh!

Ang mundo talaga, bilog. I probably should teach my future kids that very valuable lesson.

Anyway, I am graduating. Honors or not, that's still very much a pretty big deal.

Carpe diem, I always say.

(I still hope they get karma for hurting my feelings though. Hehehe.)

...so you think you want to teach?

2008-02-08T18:25:00.006+08:00

It's been a month since we've started our off-campus training, and it's been okay... so far. I was one of twelve students deployed to Basud National High School, a public high school situated in a neighboring town, about ten minutes (3-4kms) away from Daet. I have to ride the jeepney every day, and it was tricky for a while. They stop a lot to wait for passengers, and even though I go out at six thirty I still arrive fifteen minutes late. So I decided to go straight to the terminal, only to find out that I still have to wait thirty minutes for the jeep to fill before it actually leaves - well, at least the trip is non-stop from there. But I still arrive late. Then I discovered those multicabs (smaller jeepney-type vehicles) that travel to San Felipe, Basud. They don't stop at every street corner to wait for passengers, so the trip is faster. Ten minutes and I'm there. Sure I have to walk about a block because the multicabs don't pass by the school itself, but it still beats waiting.

I was assigned to second year classes. I got three loads (the principal said we should be given only two) and it's quite enervating, though I'm lucky because I heard those who were assigned to other schools were given seven loads. Ugh. I can imagine how tiring that is.

I got culture shocked, the first week I was there. I don't know why, maybe its because I have always romanticized my desire for teaching. I forgot all about the details. It didn't help that I was assigned to handle bright kids at the laboratory school (gosh, I miss the little buggers, yes, even IV-C) either. I got one class that had their classroom at the old municipal building beside the main campus. The first time I went up there when my CT introduced me to the class, I was really shocked to note how totally run-down and dilapidated their classroom was. The ceiling is falling apart, the walls are rotten...there were about seventy students all cramped in long tables and broken chairs. It made everything look menacing...and the kids being so unruly didn't help my morale. RIght there and then I figured I got my work cut out for me. The words of my significant other rang loud in my head: "you want to teach public school? Why on earth would you want to do that? That's tough."

Another thing that shocked me was their level of proficiency in English. The kids couldn't even construct a grammatically correct sentence. Everytime I talk in straight English they just look at me all wide-eyed, and when I ask them questions they ask if they can answer in Tagalog. So I use the grammar-translation method, and even though I encourage them to speak English (the subject is English for goodness sake!) I have to allow them to speak in the vernacular from time to time lest I lose their interest in my lessons altogether. My first thought was: What did their teachers in English teach them those past seven years? And I saw that even the teachers don't speak the language they teach very well...

Going off campus is such a revelation. I see now, first hand, how totally screwed up the Philippine educational system is. And I haven't even been to the barrio schools yet...

The kids are on the losing end here of course. Education is a right, not a privilege - how can an issue as important as education be so overlooked? Where is the money going? How come there aren't enough classrooms, not enough competent teachers? And we ask why our country is going downhill?

I started thinking that maybe I'm trying to bite off more than I could chew. I would love to teach more than anything, but can I do it? Do I really have it in me, like I want to believe?

How naive I have been...we all have our own megalomanic notions of doing something great, going against the odds, changing the world. I realize now that there are so many things I still have to learn. I was told that you can't change the world in one day. It takes small steps to build something, brick by brick you struggle, but you never stop.

I agree with Mother Teresa: we can do no great things, only small acts with love. Or something like that.

My Señor Grump

2007-12-17T16:56:00.000+08:00

I wonder if anyone my age remembers the cartoon “Here Comes The Grump”? I loved that cartoon when I was a kid. There’s a princess and a guy and a dog and they are being chased relentlessly by the Grump and his dragon. There’s a flying car and they come upon wonderful places where there are pink lemonade rivers and all that. I can still remember, though vaguely, the song…here comes the Grump, here comes the Grump, here comes the Grump! Hehehe.

The Grump is a small fellow with a mustache and a frown forever plastered on his face. He doesn’t look too menacing, actually he looks kinda cute (he's pink!). And the princess and the guy and the dog always outwit him. But I like the Grump. He’s a persistent little fellow. Never gave up. Sort of reminds you of the coyote in the Roadrunner show. (Though the coyote is sillier and retarded-like).

I have my own grump. My Señor Grump, I call him. He doesn’t have a mustache, and well, perhaps a frown is plastered on his face from time to time…maybe almost always. But My Grump smiles. And when he smiles, the air becomes filled with a billion tiny speckles, making everything more vivid and colorful. And My Grump allows himself to laugh too. And when he laughs, one won’t hear the usual lively Ha! Ha! When he laughs, the sound of a million bells would explode in a beautiful melody.

I am in love with Señor Grump. I have been for the past three years. In fact, more now than ever. For the past three years I have witnessed – though only from a distance – his ferocious temper, his intolerance for human intentional errors, his passion which drives him often to fits of either rage or lethargy. He has so much fire in him, which is both an asset and a liability, and can be both amazing and frightening at the same time.

But he smiles at me. And he laughs. And the fire is momentarily subdued (for it never dies, the fire in him; I wouldn’t want it to). His eyes light up and the world becomes alive with color and music.

For some reason, Fate has allowed me to once more behold this wonderful, remarkable being after being estranged for seven years; allowed me to tame him and claim him as mine.

He is beautiful, My Señor Grump. Beneath the raging fires of his temperament lie stability and reverence and goodness and love. His patience and persistence touches me. His love moves me. His life and sense of adventure inspires me.

I love him for everything that he is and for everything that he is not.

And of course, there’s his smile, and his laugh.

Here comes the Grump? The princess and the guy and the dog run away.

I await him with open arms.

Counting off...

2007-12-02T19:56:00.001+08:00

Finally, one semester left. Come January I will start the next stage of my internship - off to a new public high school...new critic teacher, new students, new temperaments and personalities to adjust to once again.

I have let myself become comfortable with the laboratory school set-up. I believe I have already succeeded in breaking down the barriers between me and my adolescent wards, and yet all too soon I have to set off to another challenge, with more barriers to break. I welcome it though. I never back down on anything I haven't at least tried. This time, I don't have a choice.

Two months, and it will all be over. And yet, I am apprehensive and anxious about the days in between. What monstrosities, what heartbreaks, and surprises (pleasant or otherwise) await me out there?

Well, I'll soon find out.

tropa lingap kultura

2007-09-15T18:53:00.002+08:00

the cnsc cultural and performing arts center

Heat Wave Blues

2007-09-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

(One sweltering night)

It’s late and I can’t sleep. It’s too darn hot I have to shower three times a day. Heat wave gets worse every year…one can really feel the world changing. I worry, but it’s futile.

There are days when I feel utterly insignificant with regard to our place in the universe. There’s so much in this world that is out of our control, and yet we go on acting like we are the center of the universe – that we have power over everything. It only aggravates the situation more and more. Every blow by the hand of nature is a grim reminder that we are all disposable, our lives fleeting.

I get afraid sometimes that I am letting the days pass idly by not doing what I am supposed to (which I’m not really sure exactly what). I am afraid that time has taken the best out of me, that I’ve had all my chances and I blew them all and now I’m merely facing a life of sheer mediocrity. I am afraid that I have been nothing but a failure to my parents and my siblings and that I will never get the chance to fulfill what they expect from me. I am afraid that my significant other and I came together too little, too late…and the clock is ticking…

I am afraid to realize in the end that there is nothing there – that what I am aiming for is merely an illusion, that life is simply an endless quest for nothing, and we waste a huge fraction of it not doing what we really should be doing.

I worry too much. Perhaps I have relied on people too much all my life and the idea that I would have to stand on my own eventually (if not soon) is the cause of all my worries. Perhaps it’s just the fear of being old, of finally having to act my age (smile).

I have been a child all my life I guess, and now I’m being forced to finally grow up. I’m getting close to the real deal, and it scares the hell out of me. The closer I am to finishing my goal, the more enormous it seems. It’s like I’m driving towards a mountain and suddenly there it looms, getting bigger as I inch closer…and I’m starting to doubt if I can climb it.

Sigh.

I better cut down on my coffee…

Calling

2007-08-25T12:38:00.001+08:00

I have a new critic teacher, the high school principal herself. Thank goodness. Somehow the problem with the old CT was solved. My former groupmates say that she has toned down a bit, perhaps realizing that her hostility towards us was uncalled for and undeserved.

I now teach fourth year high school...seniors. I was a bit doubtful if I'll do a good job, since I was assigned to first year before the critic teacher hooplah. I thought older kids would prove to be more difficult than the younger ones. But I handled the class for the first time last Thursday and I had a great time, especially with the A section. Such bright kids, very eager and cooperative. I thought I would have to deal with a lot of attitude problems because they were older kids, but I was wrong. They were genuinely interested in the lesson, and the output was very satisfactory. We had barely ten minutes left but they still managed to give me an output through some sort of debate. No further directions necessary with these kids, they were spontaneous and creative. They were thinking out of the box. It was wonderful. We had fun.

The students' response to me was a revelation. I can do this. I am more resolved now than ever - I am going to be a teacher. This is what I have been born to do.

This is my calling.

Hostility becomes her

2007-08-18T15:07:00.001+08:00

Hostility follows me like a persistent fly or pesky mosquito. This time, hostility becomes our critic teacher.

Two weeks into our in-campus training at the laboratory high school she confronts us about our alleged complaint about her letting us handle the class too early. Apparently the principal talked to her fist thing in the morning and told her that some of us English majors are complaining because we were supposed to observe first and not teach. So they wanted all the student teachers to stop teaching because the English majors are "nag-iinarte" (I don't even know how to translate that). Then she started telling us that our lesson plans were mababaw and that the kids don't really like being handled by student teachers, yadda yadda yaddah. Hurtful, unprofessional words were said that demoralized and shocked us. Bottom line here is that we didn't complain to anyone. We were actually enjoying our experience teaching kids. I don't know where it all started, or who told the principal, and why we were pinpointed out of all student teachers.

Sigh.

Anyway, yesterday the principal took me and another student teacher under her wing, so I don't have to deal with my former critic teacher anymore. Woe to my group mates who still have to see her everyday.

More to this blog later...my mind is cobwebbed right now.

Woe Miss Doolittle

2007-05-19T22:29:00.000+08:00

Wah! Melinda Doolittle, my favorite A.I. contestant, got booted off the show this week.

Why oh why oh why??? And I didn't even get to watch.

Oh well. I guess this means America wants the lesser talent to win. Wahaha. It's their Idol anyway. Whatever. Suit yourself America. At least I was right about Blake being in the final two.

Go Blakey!

Ghost of Election Past 2

2007-05-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I was wrong. Maybe Camarines Norteños are also tired of the familiar and the traditional. Maybe this is the start of something good for our province...

Maybe. We'll see in the next three years.

But I'm glad Chato won.

Ghost of Election Past

2007-05-17T17:18:00.001+08:00

Philippine midterm elections is past. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to vote. I didn't have the time or the luxury to go back home on May 14th to cast that (they say) all important 1 vote. I regret it, but not too much. Every now and then my sister updates me about the results. It doesn't sound good in the provincial level...but the good news is that my preferred candidate for Mayor won.

So people of Camarines Norte aren't that ready for change as of yet. Perhaps they are still afraid to let go of the old ways, the traditional and the familiar. I am not saying that the traditional and the familiar is bad per se. But when we're talking of politics in the Philippines, the all too familiar and the "trapo" definitely has its negative connotations.

I will reiterate: if the people of Camarines Norte continue to elect the same kind of people in office, then we deserve the kind of government that we have. Stagnant. Rotten. All hiding behind beautiful facades of infrastructure projects. Tuwang tuwa tayo, maganda ang provincial capitol...pero yun nga "Makakain ba 'yan?" Oh well.

Oh Miss Doolittle

2007-04-20T12:02:00.000+08:00

Ok, I admit, I'm an American Idol fan. I watch it every week. I enjoy Simon's biting comments (which are often right, in my opinion). I don't really like that they showcase people's flaws and obvious lack of talent in the beginning for people to laugh at and ridicule, but the competition part I love.

If I was a betting gal, I'd bet all my money on Melinda Doolittle. She's absolutely perfect. Flaw-lessss. Of course, the results would depend on the votes, but come on! how could anyone make a mistake voting someone other than Ms. Doolittle to be the next American Idol? She should be in the final two.

My two cents worth: it should be Blake and Melinda all the way. Melinda gets the crown of course. ;-P

2007-04-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

Another hellweek came and went. At last, another school year over. Thank goodness.

Election time looms... once again the crocs are out to get each other like hungry savages. The usual propaganda and smear campaigns, the usual gimmicks. I don't know if people actually care. I'm thinking about not voting actually, but it makes me feel so guilty. Besides, my vote has got to count somehow (how vain! Like my measly vote would really matter if they rig the election results).

It's a little tricky, especially here in our province, choosing from a bunch of people I don't really trust - well, maybe a few I do. The people I voted for in the past election turned out to be great disappointments, and I would NEVER write any of their names on any election ballot even if they pay me. Not that I would accept payment, mind you. If the price is right? Hehe, nah. I shiver at the thought. So yeah, I was proven wrong. My judgment went awry. I voted for the wrong people, and sadly, so did my kababayans.

This time I am at a loss. These politicians are bickering over what went wrong in the past three years. Honestly though, it's like the pot calling the kettle black. I'm at an impasse. Once again we are being compelled to "choose the lesser evil". What a shame, that the only choice we have for leadership is the "lesser evil". Why can't we have the good for a change? Maybe because the good people have been disillusioned now...and they are tired of all the games.

The right of suffrage...the only ammunition the common people possess. The only question is: is this ammunition still potent? Or are we simply being led to believe that we still have the upper hand when we really don't? Are they simply giving us the impression that we are in control - democracy, freedom of choice - when it is obvious that we are the ones being pulled with puppet strings?

Do I have to ask? The common people having control over the government? Who am I kidding? It hasn't been that way since...I don't know...since time immemorial! Edsa? It's a fluke...some heroes of Edsa went balimbing against Marcos because they saw it as an opportunity to gain power. Hence, a few years later, Hello, Mr. President! And very powerful pa rin hanggang ngayon. Sigh!

These games governments play...it's so simple, yet complicated. It's so obvious, yet nobody can change it. Nobody dares. Those who do get eliminated.

The inverted pyramid still exists, and its not even a pyramid anymore. I don't know...the world is so screwed up.

Bikey's dad is right. We should all just become environmental activists.

Seconds, anyone?

2006-11-04T16:36:00.000+08:00

A man hit rock-bottom. He went through a nasty divorce and became an alcoholic. He was financially, mentally, and emotionally bankrupt. Having nowhere else to go, he moved in with his mother.

One day he happened to look at old photographs and saw photos of the girl he knew since seventh grade. They dated on and off all through high school and he had always been attracted to her. He wondered why it never occurred to him all those years to ask her to marry him. He realized that he wanted to see her again. He tried to locate her, but in vain.

One day he was driving and had to stop for a red light. A car pulled over beside his and when he looked over, he saw that the driver was his high school sweetheart – the same woman he was looking for. The woman recognized him and they both pulled over by the road side and were both happy to see each other.

They got together and for six months spent their time catching up, until finally he asked her to marry him.

They’ve been together, happily married, ever since.

It’s a true story. A miracle. How often does it happen – a chance you thought you lost coming back to you the moment you need it the most?

Perhaps it’s true…everybody gets a second chance. So look out. Don’t waste it. Second chances are like limited edition products. No extensions. You wouldn’t want to miss the deadline.

The Road to Tabugon

2006-09-22T11:11:00.000+08:00

Interesting weekend.

We did a community extension work at this small Baranggay Highschool in Tabugon, Sta. Elena, Camarines Norte...just a few meters away from the boundary of Bicol and Quezon, up there in the boondocks. The Camarines Norte State College will be erecting a satellite school there and so the President of the College brought our choral group along to entertain while they had a little tete-a-tete with the politicians and the people of the community.

We rode on the school coaster, and it was a tough trip. Those who have travelled to Bicol before the Quirino highway was opened would remember the winding roads of Maharlika highway or the "bitukang manok" right after you cross the Bicol-Quezon boundary. (Those days everybody had to pass through Camarines Norte to reach the rest of the Bicol region; now they can go straight to Sipocot, Camarines Sur on their way to Naga from Manila via the Quirino Highway. No more "bitukang manok".) Two hours of rollercoaster-like roads...all esses, no straight ones. As in sharp curves and turns. I have gone through those roads a thousand times since childhood, and I'm still not used to it. Suko pa rin ako. An hour into the trip, I succumbed to motion sickness.

Motion sickness is a difficult battle when you love to travel. My mother had the worst kind. She needs only to see the bus and she's all dizzy and nauseous. I'm not exaggerating. Some say it's merely psychological...but not when your stomach feels like its being wrung and your head is spinning, it isn't. It is absolutely physical...every fiber of your body feels every movement the vehicle makes. It's terrible.

For me it is a liability. A weakness. But as they say, weaknesses can be overcome. It's just a matter of will.

So there we were, about 70 per cent of us weaklings, all groggy and nauseous from the trip, donned in our yellow and red batik blouses and barongs, and we gave them a hell of a show. O, e ano ngayon kung nahilo ka sa biyahe? Kailangan mong ngumiti, kailangan mong kumanta, kailangan mong magperform. Walang diva-diva dito! So there.

It was nice though. (But I swear, I never want to ride that coaster again!) The community extensions are always the nicest performances. You really feel the genuine appreciation from the audience, kahit gaano sila kasimple.

Anyway, I just might have to go through those roads again come first week of October to go to Manila. Duty calls...

Bonamine lang ang katapat niyan!

Unsent

2006-07-27T19:10:00.000+08:00

Dearest,

It’s definitely summertime. After all the frenzy, I suddenly find myself wanting of worthwhile things to do. The Holy Week just seemed to fly by so quickly, without ceremony. It used to be so much more festive…there used to be a lot more to look forward to. Well…my barkada used to flock at my house before going to church. Now only two of them came back home…even the procession had a different feel to it. I was distracted the whole time by those annoying teenagers who kept chatting & making pa-cute instead of praying. They’re little devil incarnates…tempting us older people who believe we join the procession every year for the right reasons. =) Ah…perhaps I’m just one of them hypocrites, pretending to have been enlightened over the years. Perhaps, even for me it had been just an avenue for socializing and boy-sighting and now that I’m beyond that, it all suddenly lost its appeal. Sigh. Maybe even I have been missing the whole point of it all. How dismal. I think I’m going straight to hell. =)

Anyway, I can’t believe the school year’s finally over!!! I think this last semester had been the most stressful so far. I’ve been sick a couple of times (and I rarely ever get sick) and honestly I can’t believe I was even able to do half of the things I’ve done. When I decided to go back to school I didn’t think I’d be this busy. I thought y’know, I’d just lay low, study and breeze through it without much ado. But I had to involve myself with the performing arts, huh. =) I didn’t think it would be such a demanding enterprise, the choir especially. The arts just seem to have a way of hounding me wherever I go and whatever I do...even though I have thought about quitting a couple of times, I knew deep inside that I would never survive this place without it. How I wish you could’ve seen our show. How sweet a victory it was. It wasn’t Bayanihan or the Madrigals y’know, but it was ours – our sweat, our tears, our talents. Just to see the smile on the audience’s faces, to have them tell you how good the performances were and how much they enjoyed it. (They stayed throughout the show! A rare feat in these parts…they stay for pop concerts but not for cultural shows like ours. Some even said it was bitin.) A couple of us actually cried during the curtain call. It was sweet.

It would seem ridiculous for others, how someone my age actually enjoy performing with a fledgling group among kids ten years my junior. But I don’t care really. I still think God put me back here for a reason…I’ve lost a lot of faith in myself through the years. Now I’m slowly gaining it all back. For years I wasn’t really sure about what I wanted to do with my life. Now I think I’ve found my true calling. I think I can actually do this now…=)

Hello world!

2006-07-14T11:56:00.000+08:00

I remember Stripe the caterpillar, the generic Comm1 story...what's the title? Something for the flowers. Ah...I forget.

(Hope for the Flowers! Stupid!) :-)

It's been a while. A whole summer just passed by uneventfully, and now, back to the grind as they say.

One year and a half to go...the countdown goes ever so slowly. This year I write my thesis (I can't wait to get that over and done with). Next year I become a student teacher. At last! I've been waiting for that since day one. All this student stuff is making me very impatient. I had to start all over you see, so I had to do things all over again - study things I've already studied before because my transcript had different course descriptions. (All those COMA and SPCM classes! Useless in these parts...had to start again. Frankly, I think it's just a way to extort money from transfer students...hehe. But I'm one step ahead of them. I applied for scholarship. One hundred percent free tuition, no less. Hehe. Thank goodness I have artistic genes eh?)

It's not entirely a waste of time though, because I am learning things. Even I surprise myself. There are diamonds in the ruff, I realize. One must simply dig deeper beneath the surface. If only I had been as diligent when I was still in UP, I would've conquered the world by now. Hehe. But hey, it ain't over till the fat lady sings...I have time.

Rambling. Whatever.

I'm back...and hungry. Watch out.

Reminiscence...

2006-05-18T17:26:00.000+08:00

I remember one silvery night...

...on this beach.

Wala lang.

Tara, Biyahe Tayo!

2006-04-04T11:25:00.000+08:00

It's our big night. Tonight, on stage, we go on a trip around the Philippines, featuring the different songs and dances, the rich culture of our people: Biyahe Tayo, a taste of Wow! Philippines.

I'm proud of this show...blood, sweat and tears ito.

This is for the Divine Provider, for our parents, our patrons, those who turn up their flat noses on us...to all lovers (and non-lovers) of culture and the arts.

Baby, sana andito ka. Para sa 'yo ito.

Mindless Soliloquy In The Garden Of Eve

2006-03-15T10:21:00.000+08:00

I love it when summer’s just beginning. It’s the time when our small, chaotic garden comes alive with the colors and scents of flowers. This time, it can indeed be called a garden. For the rest of the year I call it a “jungle”, or simply an abandoned overgrown lot. =)

My mother spends most of her precious time with her plants. Our yard is a hodgepodge of flora and fauna (yes, fauna) – there are caterpillars that turn into butterflies, ants, bugs, spiders, worms, fireflies, dragonflies, frogs, lizards, annoying stray cats that mate all the time, Potchie our mongrel soprano dog, and Powder our albino dog. (I think there might be snakes too, I’m not too sure, but I had an encounter with a golden-scaled snake a few years ago – we saw each other and we both fled in fear. Hehe.)

Today my mother’s garden is a delight to the senses. The chaos seemed to have softened a bit because of the flowers that abound – the purple cattleya & white butterfly orchid, the fire orchid, the forget-me-nots, cadena-de-amor, santan, sampaguita, and those small yellow sunflower-like plants, among others…

(No wonder my nephew used to love spending his time outside. He and my mother, sporting big buri hats, were always busy tilling the soil with trowels and planting seedlings on plastic cups. I can imagine how stimulating it must have been to a four-year-old child.)

As I wake up to the cacophony of roosters crowing and birds singing, along with the sounds of ambulant vendors selling bread, puto, taho and what-have-you, I realize that life is indeed beautiful and that nature is Serenity’s face smiling down upon us, despite all the clamour. One only has to stay still for a mere moment…or else, look out at all the flowers.

Too bad a lot of children would never have all these growing up…

So Far Away

2006-01-31T19:00:00.000+08:00

Carole King

So far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
It doesn't help to know that you're just time away
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again would only do me good
How I wish I could but you're so far away...
One more sond about moving along the highway,
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I could only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend it being close to you
But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
It doesn't help to know that you're so far away
Traveling along sure gets me down and lonely
Nothing else to do but close my mind
I sure hope the road don't come to own me
There's so many dreams I've yet to find...
But you're so far away...

Where Are You Christmas?

2005-12-28T20:00:00.000+08:00

Christmas has come and gone. I feel like Cindy Lou Who of The Grinch, I keep asking whatever happened to Christmas...why it changed.

There used to be a certain nip in the air before Christmas comes. Once the "ber" months come in and the first Christmas song is played on the radio, my senses start to act up and I can smell it. And I would feel giddy. Christmas was like a presence, an anticipated coming that is unrivaled by any other event.

When I was much much younger Christmas was my favorite time of the year. It didn't matter what gifts I got, or what food was served for noche buena, it was always festive. Everybody would come home and on Christmas eve everyone would be in the kitchen cooking meals. The house would be alive with music and laughter...friends would come over...the nights would be long and fun. There was always warmth, and a smile on everyone's face.

Perhaps it's the fact that I'm getting older, or maybe the material world has completely gobbled me up and poisoned my mind with insatiable wants...but Christmas has lost its allure somewhat. It's been just another day, another occassion to get over and done with before another year ends. It's become - sadly - mechanical.

Perhaps it's because our family hasn't celebrated the holidays together for almost a decade now...maybe its because people have been busy doing their own stuff, and being away from everyone else... Perhaps Christmas is indeed just for children. Once we stop being children, it stops too...

We always pine for the things we cannot have. I pine for those childhood days long gone...for the family I once had...the girl I once was. Now I've become a shriveled up soul...at least that's the way I feel sometimes.

"Where are you Christmas?" the girl cries in that movie. Where indeed...and why have you changed. But perhaps, it's just me.

Rant...Rant...Rant

2005-11-17T18:14:00.000+08:00

Barely two weeks left before November ends and classes still haven't started. Students are still clamoring for registration forms, clearances, certifications...all that stuff. It's chaos at the registrar; when you see the crowd you'd think somebody's giving out money or something, or else you're at an audition for American Idol.

The problem is the system. There isn't much of it, and the existing one doesn't really work. (And we used to think registration at UP is the worst. Try enrolling at my school and you'd miss the "pila" system there. Here they don't even bother to make pila. ) I just don't see why they should change the process every single semester. I would like to see some permanence in this institution for once. They keep changing things, so the students need to adjust every single time.

There are so many things wrong here...it's annoying and frustrating at the same time.

This town - this province - needs a character make-over. The blatant disregard for time, organization, schedules, systems and a whole lot of other things, says something about the culture and value system of the people in this place.

If I were Progress, I'd skip this place too.

Gen XYZ

2005-10-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

You know you're getting old when the music videos you used to enjoy when you were in highschool are now being played as "classics".

{I really can't imagine the songs of Eraserheads being called "oldies", especially since I've listened to them when I was in college...well, I'm still in college actually, hehe. But those who know me would get my drift, I'm sure. }

You also know you're getting old when 90 per cent of your choirmates don't know what the hell you're talking about when you tell them that Gary Granada was the same guy who composed that Metro Pop-winning song that goes "Maa'ri bang, Maaari bang umusod-usod ng konti..." Doesn't really matter if you sing the entire song to them. They're clueless... I'm not sure they even know what Metro Pop is, considering they were all born post-EDSA. (May Metro Pop pa ba ngayon?)

That's another thing...that pre/post EDSA thing. There seems to be a great divide between the two generations.

Y'see I'm a "Martial Law baby", born in the late 70's and grew up during the '80s; and while I was very young when it all happened, I knew all about Martial Law, and Marcos, and Ninoy Aquino and all that stuff. I can remember those days when sirens would go off at a certain time to signal the curfew. I can remember people talking about men who disappeared, who were caught by the PC and "salvaged"...some of those men lived in our neighborhood, some of them were fathers to kids my age. My mother was one of the teachers who served during the election that time. My brothers and sisters lived in a boarding house in Arlegui, behind Malacañan palace when the revolution against Marcos broke out. I was in Grade Three...

My point, before I forget, is (trite as it may sound)...times have changed. Back then we had heroes...when we go out into the streets it used to mean something to a lot of people. Now everything is simply media frenzy.

You know you're getting old when you feel a gap between a generation that's born only a decade apart.

When I was in college I had a lot of friends who were 8 to 10 years older and we understood each other. We listened to same types of music, we talked about an era we all related to somehow, despite the age difference. Now, it's different. Everything is galaxies apart.

I don't know if it's just me, or if it's the kind of background that they have...but I find a hard time relating to kids these days, and I'm only 27.

The older generation claims that kids today have no role models. They listen to recycled music amd idolize "pop stars" that are simply marketing products of record companies. They have nothing else to imitate but television or movie stars, no lives to pattern their own to but the telenovelas they so avidly watch every night.

The boob tube has made a mockery of our values and culture...hm... but I digress.

It's only been ten years...I wonder how huge the gap will be after ten more years.

Ah...perhaps I am indeed just simply getting old.

I've Got Two Words for you...

2005-10-17T10:34:00.000+08:00

HELL WEEK!!!

Got papers to write, projects to do, exams to review for. Ah, well, buhay estudyante. What do I expect?

This is the last week for this semester...It's a good thing our director decided to forego the Ibalong competition in Legazpi this year. I have not much else to worry about except my acads, which is good.

Gosh...I'm losing creativity here. This is my pathetic attempt to write anything other than school work.

Sigh.

My muse is bored.

That Wasn't So Bad

2005-09-26T11:06:00.000+08:00

It wasn't that bad, the cultural show we did in Naga City for the Camarines Norte Day. It was a fun experience, although very, very exhausting. Physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it, I felt it. Whew.

Now I'm reaping the rewards - a lot of catching up to do with my schoolwork with finals looming just around the corner.

But yeah...it wasn't that bad.

I wonder how long I can last...let's see.

Sa Iyo...

2005-08-23T09:54:00.000+08:00

Hanggang saan tayo dadalhin ng pagkakataon? Gaano katagal mananatili ang apoy ng pagmamahal sa ating mga puso?

Sana walang hanggan na ito. Sana huwag dumating ang panahon na may magsawa at sumuko sa atin.

Napakatagal pa ng panahon. Napakarami pa ng mga oras at araw na bubunuin natin nang magkahiwalay.

Napakatagal pa ng magpakailanman...

Nakahanda akong maghintay...

Mawala man ang apoy ng pagmamahal sa iyong puso...makalimutan mo man ang aking tinig, ang aking mukha, ang aking pangalan...

Hindi man dumating ang bukas...Hindi man magkaroon ng katuparan ang mga pangako ng magpakailanman...

Mananatiling ikaw ang nagmamay-ari ng aking puso.

2005-08-16T19:34:00.000+08:00

How rude!!! Somebody posted spam on my blog - an ad for whatever the hell that was!!! What's wrong with these people???

Hah! Lower life forms!

To quote Miriam Defensor-Santiago:

"How dare you have the audacity to insinuate that I can tolerate such diabolical insolence. If you persist upon continuing that kind of behavior I will pulverize you!!!"

Bah!

Kapag Sinabi Ko Sa 'Yo

2005-08-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

Gary Granada

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y minamahal
Sana'y maunawaan mo na ako'y isang mortal
At di ko kayang abutin ang mga bituin at buwan
O di kaya ay sisirin perlas ng karagatan

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y iniibig
Sana'y maunawaan mo na ako'y taga-daigdig
Kagaya ng karamihan, karaniwang karanasan
Daladala kahit saan, pang-araw-araw na pasan

Ako'y hindi romantiko, sa iyo'y di ko matitiyak
Na pag ako'y kapiling mo kailanma'y di ka iiyak
Ang magandang hinaharap sikapin nating maabot
Ngunit kung di pa maganap, sana'y huwag mong ikalungkot

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y sinisinta
Sana'y yakapin mo akong bukas ang iyong mga mata
Ang kayamanan kong dala ay pandama't kamalayan
Na natutunan sa iba na nabighani sa bayan

Halina't ating pandayin isang malayang daigdig
Upang doon payabungin isang malayang pag-ibig
Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y sinusuyo
Sana'y ibigin mo ako, kasama ang aking mundo

A moment...

2005-07-30T12:37:00.000+08:00

Amidst the hooplah in the national scene, life out here in rustic Bicolandia is relatively peaceful and unaffected. And I wonder again why people insist on joining the crowded masses of the metropolis??? I guess they think life is better in the fast lane. But I believe that sometimes, we have to slow down and take a moment...enjoy life for the simple joys of it, like the song of birds by the window sill every morning, or the fact that we have time to laze around at home after work hours because there's no traffic to beat.

You have to appreciate the kanayunan for those things...we are lucky we can still find refuge here.

Anyway...here's to the good life...

Losing Mike (Requiem for a Friend)

2005-07-03T12:30:00.001+08:00

_________________________________________________________________________________

I wrote this back in 2002...an ode to a very dear friend whose passing filled me with poignant grief.

I hope he is happy now, in the arms of the angels.
_____________________________________________________________

"When we lose a person we love, we don't lose them all at once, we lose them in pieces."

So goes the narration in that movie "Simon Birch".

First, it says, the mail stops coming. Then slowly, like fog, the scent starts to drift away - first from the sheets, then from the closets. Soon the scent leaves their clothes too, even when you bury your head in them.

When Michael died I tried to hold on to every little thing I can remember about him. It was difficult to hear the music we both loved without crying. It was equally difficult to think that he stopped existing - that he's simply not there. I sometimes go on with my normal everyday life and then it would hit me...like a gust of wind that throws one off-balance: Mike is gone, and he will never be back.

Mike and I had eight years of friendship between us. I do not remember exactly when that friendship started but I've always felt as if I've known him forever. Back in highschool we were inseparable, almost like twins. The thought that we could be a couple (or on the brink of becoming one) crossed the minds of everybody who knew and saw us, but it never crossed ours. We were simply two people who, in the course of being stuck as seatmates for a quarter of a school year, happened to discover many things in common. If I believed in soul mates, I would swear he was mine.

Nowadays I try to go back through those eight years and think of the times we were the closest. The memories would come in flashes, like clips from a vaguely remembered movie. Sometimes we would be walking down the hallways of our high school, sneaking off to the canteen between classes to buy Benson's eclair; sometimes we would be hanging out at my house playing pusoy dos with the rest of the barkada. Or it would be just the two of us, at a later, more recent time watching MTV or listening to CD's, or playing the guitar if there happened to be one. At times he would be holding my hand, telling me how much I've changed, how distant I seemed to have become in college; or he would be teasing me, making me laugh - himself laughing out loud. And how I loved the way he laughed.

No one ever thought Mike would die so young. I guess when one is young death is merely a perception, it does not yet exist. When one is young, he is invincible.

I often wonder now if I had let myself become too indifferent towards Mike's illness. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma straight out of college graduation. When his best friend told me about it, I was devastated. I was made to promise not to let on that I knew because Mike did not want to tell the rest of the barkada. While battling his illness he tried so hard to show everybody that he was fine and that everything was just normal. For my part, I tried hard not to show him that I knew, and that I wanted to ease his pain - a pain I now would never know how much.

It was easy to forget that he was sick when he showed up every other day on my doorstep looking as lively as he had always been. I would look at his arms and wrists trying to find signs or scars from his chemotherapy but I never found any. I'd joke about his haircut telling him how silly he was for wearing a baseball cap after having his hair shaved off while all the time I knew he had lost all his hair because of treatment. I would notice how wan and pale he is, or how dark the circles under his eyes were, but I'd say nothing. Sometimes he would become silent and contemplative, and I would wonder at how much pain - physical and emotional - he was feeling while he smiled and laughed with me. And at night I would cry...for him and for all the words I wish I said but couldn't.

On October 19, 2000 one of our best friends was celebrating her birthday. That day we were having a party at her apartment in Quezon city. That day Mike passed away at a hospital in Manila. He was 23.

It's been two years and my tears have not stopped flowing. Perhaps they never completely will. Somehow I have found comfort in thinking that wherever he could be right now he feels no more pain. Somehow I gathered strength from the fact that during his most difficult ordeal he has chosen to be strong for all of us who loved him.

Perhaps as I go through my own life without him the pain would eventually ebb away for me as well. Until then, Mike's death will remain a void in my heart that would be almost impossible to fill.

PIlipinas Kong Mahal

2005-06-30T18:50:00.000+08:00

People want to oust Gloria again. For weeks now, everybody's been talking about this CD apparently containing a recorded phone conversation between GMA and a Comelec commissioner. As always, hooplah. CD's are being passed around, they even turned it into a ringtone (only in the Philippines huh!). Now it's made worse by the president's admission that it was indeed her voice on that tape, and that she was sorry for it.

Also there's the jueteng hype - a lot of people under the heat...

Who even knows what the truth is anymore? Watching the news is just too confusing. As always, its causing a lot of speculations but nothing is done in due process. Lots of hearsay, lots of papansin politicians hooking themselves up to the bandwagon. It't annoying.

Ayan na naman ang mga opposition at mga FPJ supporters pushing Susan Roces in the limelight. Perhaps they want her to sit at Malacañang...I mean, come on. You have Gloria who's an economist and who was trained abroad and has political experience, and she can't even put the country in order. Now they want Susan Roces to run it? What the hell...

Obviously they are romanticizing the situation, trying to ape history. They probably think they can make a remake of the 1986 people power revolution and put another widow in the presidential seat.

Come on. It's starting to look a little ridiculous. It's like reviving a one-hit-wonder song over and over hoping to reap the same rewards as the first time.

You mention people power nowadays and you see a lot of people rolling their eyes. Yep. It's getting a little old - running towards EDSA, telling the president to step down. (I'm not saying that people power per se doesn't have any merit. It worked once and gave us democracy and freed us all from an oppressive regime. But do we really have to resort to it everytime a political controversy springs up?)

I'm no fan of GMA, but hey, does anybody really think Susan Roces can do better? Are we ever gonna get out of this rut? This endless debacle over who's more corrupt than who, who cheated and who didn't. Are we ever going to stop pointing fingers at one another and start wising up and finally think about the common good?

It's true what Shii-an said in Survivor: "People in glass houses should not throw stones."

Kawawa naman ang Pilipinas ko.

Madya na kamo sa Pinyasan, maogma ini!

2005-06-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

It's fiesta time again. Daet is celebrating the feast day of St. John the Baptist on the 24th day of June. This also marks the celebration of the Pinyasan or Pineapple festival. See, the province of Camarines Norte produces one of the sweetest varieties of pineapple: the Formosa. Small but sweet. Yum.

The air is festive all around. There's the ever present palanyag, much like the UP kapnayan or tiangge. We have the agro-industrial fair near the Provincial capitol, where the different barangays are able to exhibit their industries. There're products from other places as well (my personal favorite, booths of Marikina shoes and bags) and lots and lots of beautiful flowers and plants. For the young at heart there's the local carnival or perya at the Central Plaza.

Tomorrow the street parties start. Once again we are included in the streetdancing competition. I would have to wear that awful skimpy costume and showcase my ectomorphic body again, hehe. (Buti na lang makapal ang mukha ko, deadma na!) The activity is called "Orogmahan sa Dalan" or Street Celebration. I'm going to dance to my heart's content...who cares if I'm not Britney Spears! It's going to be tiring, but fun.

So madya na kamo sa kaoroogmang pinyasan. Hirilingan kita duman!

2005-06-12T12:07:00.000+08:00

My uncle died in a vehicular accident last Tuesday night. He was riding down the Daet diversion road on his motorcycle and got hit by a ten-wheeler truck. The truck driver was drunk. My uncle didn't stand a chance; he died on the spot. He was only 55. He left five children, two of which are still in school and the youngest only 2 years old. His wife died of cervical cancer a few years ago...his present companion has no means of earning a living.

I don't think I've ever felt as terrified as when I did the night I saw my uncle at the emergency room, lying cold, bloodied and dead under a thin white sheet. I don't think I've ever felt death as close before. It had been too close for comfort...and it felt like I was on the brink of an anxiety attack. And I started thinking about the people who are close to me - especially members of my family, my significant other. The fact that I could lose them in a flick of a finger absolutely terrified me.

Again, the realization that we are all disposable...the realization that no matter how careful you are there's bound to be another stupid person out there who can cause your demise....the realization that nothing is permanent, that we have to map out our plans for the future before death or sickness catches up with us.

They say there's a reason for everything...a way perhaps to ease the grief and the pain, to convince ourselves that the loss is warranted, that it is not senseless. Perhaps there is a reason why things just happen...but for now, we grieve...

I am not making sense...

Just be safe everyone...and don't drink and drive.

Growing Pains

2005-06-06T10:35:00.000+08:00

Displacement is such a sad feeling...it's like being omitted in some way, it's like standing in the middle of a freeway - everything just whisks by and you remain standing there, not able to move or join in the flow.

I've been missing out on my friends' lives. There was a time when I was an active participant, now I am merely an observer. I even got the nosebleed seats. I feel detached. It's heartwrenching.

The price one pays for growing up...

Ah. Well.

Toasted brain cells

2005-05-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

This has been, no doubt, the hottest summer I've ever had to endure...as far as my memory of summers go. Perhaps the world is indeed ending, I don't know. We're using up too much of the earth's resources and leading ourselves to the path of self-destruction. I don't think God even has to work his powers, man can very well create his own demise. Ah well.

Summer's definitely making its presence known. I bet it'll be hot as hell even when the supposed rain months come. I long for those childhood days when summer meant adventure...when the first sign of rain in May meant an enjoyable treat. Now we are told not to go out bathing in the rain because it's tainted with chemicals and toxic waste and who knows whatever stuff. Now we can't even let our children out because it's too damn hot. Besides, they prefer staying indoors, sitting all day in their pretty little butts in front of their PC's and Playstations. Or else they're in the mall, lugging their little gadgets, texting ridiculous messages that don't make sense to all the people in their phonebooks for lack of anything with substance to do. It's no wonder we'll have future generations of overweight children who couldn't care less about values and culture and will probably die by the time they are fifty because of various diseases.

Ah...well. Don't mind me.

It's just the heat...I guess.

Hell Week, Holy Week

2005-03-26T12:36:00.000+08:00

Am I glad school's finally out for the summer, and just in time. I had a rough final week - hence, hell week - and I still have an unfinished business about a certain teacher...grrr. But all's well that ends well, as they say. And by Tuesday, I was feeling alright. Small joys, as my precious would say. Singing always lifts up my spirit, and we've been having lots of fun during choir practice lately. Everybody's in a good mood, and none of those sermon-on-the-mount episodes anymore. Maybe because attendance has improved, the graduating students are finally free of any school activities so they've finally decided to grace the rehearsals with their presence.

While I'm babbling nonsense here, let me just mention in passing that the CNSC Chorale will be recording an album...yes yes yessss. Ahm so excited. Apparently the group sounds good enough for a CD. We'll see. O, yung mga friends ko dyan, bentahan ko kayo. Hekhek.

Holy week is strange for me this year. For the first time I was not able to either join or watch the Good Friday procession. It's been raining hard since Thursday, which is the odd part. I've never seen it rain so hard during the holy week. It doesn't even feel like summer...oh well.

My girls are here, all three of them and I'm glad. We rarely get the chance to get together anymore, there's usually someone who couldn't be there (usually it's me, hehe). Two of them will be out of the country by the end of June. It's nice that we had this chance to be all here and just act like crazy kids - just like old times. Pretty soon we'll all be living separate lives, of course we'll still be friends, but we'll all be moving on to another phase and it's not always easy to be as candid and crazy. If ever, it could take a couple of years. Wah...senti.

They say that all through life we'll meet a lot of people and most of them we'll call our friends. A lot of them will most probably go away as quickly as they came into our lives, but we should hold on to a few precious ones...those who knew who we really are and stuck by us despite all our faults and weaknesses.

Saka ko na lang titingnan if this entry makes sense. I haven't had a decent night's sleep since Thursday night...ngoooorrrkkk. Zzzzzzzzzz.

Blahg

2005-03-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

I'm bitten by the ennui bug. Yes. The year has taken its toll on me. I am bored.

I miss my friends. I miss my precious. I miss intellectual conversations. Hell, I even miss the silly things we used to do in the folly of youth back at the foot of Mt. Makiling...

This place reeks of boredom. People here have no capacity to stimulate sensible thought. They talk about showbiz, and Korean telenovelas, and what new ring tone another's using. They sing pop songs I don't understand and therefore hate. They laugh like hyenas in heat. They are loud and crass and they put too much baby powder on their faces. They think they are cute and cool but most of the time they are simply laughable. They have every ridiculous excuse to compensate their failures. They measure everything and label everything so they can assume superiority. The adults behave like children, feigning authority with their looming, shrieky voices which fail to hide their ignorance. Everyone is whiny and boring and, most likely incredibly stupid. The fact that they deny that they are means that they actually are.

How am I going to survive another three years of this??? My intellectual arrogance is itching to bust right through my calm (pa-demure-effect) facade. My choir director is, unfortunately, right. This province is going to the dogs.

I know...I know...this is my home. How unfortunate...even I - the most hopeful of the hopefuls - am losing my grip.

Sigh. I just need a vacation. Yep.

Argh! I'm whining!!! I'm starting to become like them...I'm turning into a pod person...Aaaaggghhhkkk.

God forbid.

I'm just really bored, is my excuse. Wink, wink. Blah.

A Lookback on Mid-midlife Musings

2005-01-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from an unsent letter to a friend...

09 March 2003

Dearest Joyce,

With all these talk of war against Iraq, I can't help feeling a bit apprehensive and afraid. It's remarkable how the longevity of our existence depends solely in the hands of madmen and a single button that can blow all of us to oblivion. I'm being paranoid as always =) ...my future is bleak enough as it is without the threats of war. I am so doomed, hehehe.

Let us pray for peace. I can't believe how trite this sounded before, but now I really do want world peace.

Bear with me if I tend to rave a bit much. I am trapped as usual in my monotony of a life. Everyday I am trapped in my monotony of a job. Sometimes I sneak out, log on to the internet and chat. I don't really get anything out of it besides the assurance that I still have my wit and (yes, I apparently have it) charm...Hahaha. Indeed, my life could be better. I sometimes feel like I'm going through a mid-midlife crisis.

I have come to realize now how crucial being 25 is. It's when one comes to the point of being driven mad my this twisted concept of being "of age". As if the pressures of finding your niche isn't enough, you look around one day and find everyone you know hooking up, getting married, having kids...as if being 25 and unattached is an abnormality - a deviation from the norms of the society. Yet at the end of every day - after being in the company of married/coupled people, patronized and pitied because of the lack of a significant other - I come to realize that this really isn't bad at all. 25 is still relatively young, and if I choose to I don't have to join that race towards the last trip of the matrimonial train. (I'd be lying though if I say that I didn't want to get married and have kids too.)

Sigh. And I thought adolescence was complicated. It's just so tedious. Adulthood is so tedious! I miss being a teenager again - back when I didn't have a past (or else it didn't matter yet) and the future was still just a distant dream.

I wonder then: if at 25 our lives are already as complex, what'll happen when we turn 35? or 40? 55? 60!!! Will we be able to sustain all of the wounds and blows which are inevitable handcarry luggages for our trip called life? Ah, but as Shandy said: "only the wounded can heal."

I have not given up. Like I said I still do hope to join the bandwagon someday - get married, have kids. I just don't want to be reminded every single day that I am single; ergo, alone.

...till I see you again. Carpe diem and may God be with you always.

I love you,

Ives

PS:
"Happiness may consist in recognizing that we can't always be happy; that ambitions are worth

fighting for but not dying for; that a sense of humor, even of the absurd, is necessary for a

lifesaving sense of proportion...we can work to attain happiness, but is can still sneak up and

surprise us..." - Richard Corliss "Is There A Formula For Joy?",

Time Magazine (JAN. 20, 2003)

***I've come a long way...it has taken a long time for happiness to sneak up on me, but it did. I have no complaints as of yet. =) ***

Finding Sense and Sensibility

2005-01-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

"God made all of us Shelley, and He doesn't make mistakes."
-Door to Door (Story of Bill Porter)

The enormity of the catastrophe that hit South Asia the day after Christmas is simply beyond words, beyond any emotion one is capable of feeling. I just gawk at the TV as I watch footages of huge waves hitting the beaches, of piles of rubble which used to be villages and towns...rows and rows of dead bodies...pictures of horror-stricken faces and heartwrenching scenes of people crying out in despair, mourning their loss.

I am filled with immense grief. I find myself sobbing incontrollably as I watch BBC News, uttering a silent prayer - more like a confused inquiry really, as to why such things happen. I grapple once again with the seemingly senseless randomness of destruction and death.

Tragedy of this magnitude almost always doesn't make sense. You wonder why but there never really is a convincing answer.

Perhaps its a way to test our faith...to open our eyes to the reality of things...who knows? Perhaps it is the way of the world. The Law of Nature. The Divine Will.

God has reasons only He understands. We have to surrender to that. I know its an utterly sanctimonious thing to say...I did not lose my home, my family, my dignity. But I still stand firm in my naive belief that hope delivers when all else is taken away. How else can we start again? How else can we go on?

We need to hang on to something...better it be faith...better it be hope. Even though it seems like the hardest thing to do. Even though it seems not to make any sense at all.

Feliz Año Nuevo

2004-12-31T18:16:00.000+08:00

I look back at 2004 with much affinity. It delivered much much more than its promised redemption, and I am grateful. I have been given another chance at life, and another shot at love...I have never been doted on by fate before, and for a while there I was scared, and doubtful (we all know how sneaky la vida can be). But if there's one thing I learned from all the crap I've been through all these years, it is to be brave (or at least to feign braveness even though you're chicken poop), especially when faced with choices that could make or break you. Yep...the lesson still stands: good things come to those who wait.

2004 was a good year, but 2005 promises to be even better...for the drudgery will not be as hard to deal with, and the journey no longer solitary. For the first time in so many years, I am looking forward with bright eyes, no longer wearing my shroud of indifference & complacency. I await the future with eager and joyful anticipation...glad that life and chance has proven me wrong (I've always believed I was doomed to unhappiness).

Yes, I wait with an open heart, an open mind, and open arms that wish only to hold the one who has allowed me to come alive again.

As always...Life, Fate...bring it on!

I-ba-long-hah!!!

2004-11-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

So the Ibalong festival came to pass. The culmination of two months of hard work finally over. It was an interesting experience, to say the least. We managed to bring home the first place trophy for the streetdancing, but lost to our rival Daet school in the exhibition. For me it's still a good thing, y'know, that Daet schools are making a name for themselves by winning the major prizes out of 22 contingents all over the Bicol region. It could only mean that there is somehow a growing appreciation for culture and the arts in this town.

Of course, there are some resentments about the results, especially about our not getting anything for our costume and props - which the technical staff slaved away many a sleepless nights for. (So I wore a slightly skimpy outfit all around Legazpi city for naught!) Curiously though, the one that won 2nd place so obviously copied the costumes our contingent wore last year! And how could something that sounds very obviously like Queen's "We Will Rock You" get a second place award for music and sound??? Well, you know what they say, those who lose always argue that there's some kind of cheating or error of judgment that took place. We don't really know for sure, but perhaps that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. It's just disappointing, I guess, because last year the school brought 4 trophies home, having placed in all categories (1st in streetdancing, 2nd in costume & props, 2nd in music & sound, 4th in exhibition). O well...

Anyway, it was a harrowing experience. Make-up was terrible (I looked like someone slapped my face for twenty-four hours!), the head dress - lovely though it was - hurt like hell! The costume was itchy and well, a little too skimpy for me. It rained incessantly. The streetdancing started late, we had to wait three hours to do our exhibition, we got blistered feet and ached all over, had to wait another one and a half hour for the results (which was suspect because does it really take that long to tally the results???). It was raining, we were tired...good thing we won in the streetdancing because if we didn't win in any of the categories all hell would've broken loose! =)

The best thing about the whole experience? Dancing around Legazpi city, getting applause from the people, for one. Hearing them say that our group was the most lively and energetic of all 22 contingents, and being so proud to tell them where we were from. In some way, that paid it off for me. Of course, we won 80,000 pesos -- a little less than the 120K the group won last year, but it's still moolah ain't it?

It was tiring, it was frustrating, it was the longest two days of my life...but it was a good experience all in all. Will I do it again? If I had a choice? HELL NO!

(At least not in the next few days or so...hehe)

Bloggerblogblog

2004-09-14T19:15:00.000+08:00

It's been a while...the dynamic world of the academe (academe??? duh!) has taken its toll on me, hehe. I've been pretty busy, which is a welcome respite from all the boring, unproductive activities I used to do. I still get to lounge around lazily, but not as much. Couch potatohood has become a rare commodity...especially now that my four-year old nephew has memorized all the cable channels and refuses to let go of the remote. Thanks to him I must've seen all episodes of Spongebob Squarepants at least three or four times.

Anyway, yeah. I've been busy...school's rubbing off on me good. I am a member of the Chorale Society and Dance Company and it insists upon me the discipline I've always lacked...Now I can't afford to be late anymore hehe, and it's oh-so-difficult!!!

This coming October 30 we'll be on our way to Legaspi City, Albay for the Ibalong Festival where yours truly will be dancing to her heart's content. We are competing in the streetdance competition...a concept which is entirely new to me. It takes a lot of effort, I realize, and a lot of discipline (dis-cip-line!!! aarrgghhh!!!). But I am truly enjoying it. I get to always be in the company of young, vibrant, artistic people who make me feel young as well...and our Cultural Director is just simply a genius. =) Yeah, sometimes I get frustrated...after all, it's not UP, and sometimes talaga kulang sa lalim ang mga tao dito...but this is my life at the moment, and I have to deal the best way I can. I might as well enjoy myself, huh?

I always believe that there is a lesson to be learned in everything that you encounter, wherever life happens to take you. I realize now that my coming back home is not just for the fulfillment of my personal goals...I think God meant for it to be more of a spiritual journey. To teach me humility and the appreciation of the simple things...

Even I surprise myself sometimes.

Life and Death

2004-08-12T12:48:00.001+08:00

I wonder...I was just thinking about my friend Mike, how he died so young. He still had a lot of dreams in him. And then there are those who die even younger. What purpose did their young lives have? To be cut off too early from the world...it makes no sense. In fact, it all seems unreasonable.

It's been said that death is there for us to appreciate life...to make us realize that everything can be taken away just like that.

Everyday we are faced with the morbidity of life - on television, in the news - people are being killed everyday. Their lives must have counted for something...they couldn't just be statistics. They used to be people, living lives. They used to be fathers, sons, brothers, mothers, friends. They used to mean something to other people, and now they are dead. They no longer exist. As simple as that.

I wonder...It all seems so worthless. No matter who you are and what you do you are merely disposable. Nobody escapes death.

In one episode of SIX FEET UNDER it was expalined that life is not the opposite of death - birth is. Life is what comes in between. So life and death are not enemies, they are partners. It's confusing. More than life, death confuses me. It's more confusing than scary, actually.

Why are we so afraid of death? Why do we fear it when we don't even know what comes after. Ah, but that's just it though, isn't it? Fear of the unknown. All those things they keep telling us about life after death, what if they're not true? What if we just simply die. Our breath stops...our organs cease to function...we die. And whatever we have been is no longer. We become nothing.

What a sad thought...

(I just miss you, Mike)

2004-08-04T09:28:00.000+08:00

A few days ago my sister and I had merienda at this small out-of-the way resto called "Tippy Toppy", famous for their delectable mango ginumis (sherbet). I actually dared to stake a claim at happiness. I don't know if it's just sugar rush from the ginumis or what, but I told her that I am actually happy. I actually am.

It's strange. To be at peace with yourself and not even be aware of your own happiness. Strange...but it's a beautiful feeling. I haven't felt it in a long time. It's like starting to regain your sense of touch after a period of numbness; that prickly sensation of slowly awakening - of blood rushing through your veins.

I am not even afraid. This can all be taken away and I'm not at all afraid. Yes, perhaps God has reasons only he understands. I am one of the lucky ones. I am truly blessed - to be exactly where I want to be, doing what I want. To be given another shot at life, a clean slate. To be given the chance to do everything all over again.

I am happy...for now.

If tomorrow I am not, so shall it be.

I am here, now...I am happy. That's all that matters.

2004-07-26T18:40:00.000+08:00

My ship begins sailing again. The ropes tying it to the docks slowly pry loose. There may be a storm out, but I ignore my fears. I let myself drift.

I am riding the waves. I am waiting for that big one to eventually topple me over and make me fall.

And She Was Gone

2004-07-18T14:08:00.000+08:00

by Ginger Foutley
As Told By Ginger

She used to walk alone,
Though others wonder why;
Refused to look before her
Kept eyes cast upwards towards the sky.
She didn't have companions,
No need for earthly things;
She only wants her freedom
From what she felt were puppet strings.
She longed to be a bird
So she might fly away;
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.
She longed to be a flame
Who brightly danced alone,
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.
Some say she wished too hard,
Some say she wished too long,
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.
The trees, they say, stood witness;
The sky refused to tell,
But someone who had seen it
Said the story played out well.
She spread her arms out wide,
Breathed in the wake of dawn...
She just let go of all she held
and then she was gone.

Paradox of our time

2004-07-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

According to George Carlin...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but we have less; we buy more but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray seldom. We have multiplied our professions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We learn to rush but not to wait. We build computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are times of fast foods and slower digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships. These are days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend time with your loved ones because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person will soon grow up and leave your side. Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.

A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside you. Rememeber to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, ,give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

To all the friends in my life, thank you for being there.

(A magazine clipping. A little sappy, but hey...makes sense, doesn't it?)

Here and now

2004-06-28T17:59:00.000+08:00

My mother is like this house...full of baubles and trinkets that need to be thrown away; of broken things that need fixing, things that - if not for their sentimentality - we have no use holding on to for.

Now I remember why I wanted to fly far, far away from this place. Now I remember why I've always wanted to escape...why coming back here is such a chore. There are times when the heat here can be stifling and unbearable. The walls are electrocuted. You can't touch it or everything will explode.

Too much damage has been done. It's irrepairable. You walk around rubbles each day trying not to go near any of them or you yourself will break.

Now I remember why I sometimes hate it here. Here is too real.

First Day in La-La Land

2004-06-14T14:20:00.000+08:00

There I was, all geared up for the most awaited day in my present life - my first day back to school.

Naturally I planned to be as inconspicuous as possible so as not to draw attention to myself. But then I made the biggest mistake I ever could: I wore my new school uniform. Uh-hm, crisp and clean and obvious...realy, really obvious. It took me about a millisecond to realize that I am only one of two or three new students who actually wore a uniform on the first day of school. Apparently in these parts they don't wear their uniform until July or something. Now, why didn't I think of that!!! Duh!

Yep. There I was, sticking out like a freaking sore thumb. Talk about a rhino in a sea of sheep. What a ridiculous situation to be in. But I stood there and basked in my embarrassment. At first my defenses were up like an electric fence. I was prepared to give anyone who snickered at me one of my most piercing "dagger looks". Perhaps if anyone dared to actually spit out a snide remark behind my back I'd dramatically turn around (in slow motion, for effect hehe) and spit out something wicked and cruel back. =) But then I thought, why bother? What's wrong with sticking out from all the rest? What's wrong with being different? I'm an adult, I should be able to deal with the embarrassment in an adult fashion and not immediately rummage through my ammunition closet for cruel words and pithy wisecracks just to pat my arrogance in the back.

So yeah...I just stood there in my new crisp & clean uniform, alone in a sea of civilian-clothed adolescents, trying to focus on whatever was important instead of what was trivial and forgettable. I was there for the education after all, not conformity or the need to belong.

Hey, you know what? It wasn't so bad. =)

Of Aliens and Funerals

2004-06-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

Okay...when I die, I want a state funeral. Who cares if I was never President! All that pomp and pageantry...wow. Oh, I want full military honors too. =)

I was totally awed while watching Reagan's funeral, especially when it was time to carry the casket out of the Washington National Cathedral. Those military pallbearers just seemed to glide down the aisle when they came in, as if in slow motion. So reminiscent of all those aliens in Tim Burton's Mars Attacks...

Darn...sabi ko nga pala papa-cremate ako.

Tsk.

Spoken like a true believer

2004-06-10T12:40:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park will be in Manila on the 15th. They will have a concert at the CCP Open Grounds and I won't be there.

Well, I could maybe go to Manila and miss my first week back in school to see them perform...hehe. Nah.

It's just that I have this infantile crush on Mike Shinoda. Everytime I hear his voice or see him on TV I just can't help myself - my vocal chords contract into an involuntary shriek, like a tic. =) It's hopeless. I have been steered onto the borders of deranged fanaticism. If I am not restrained soon enough I'd probably go down in history as that crazy woman who keeps claiming she's Mike Shinoda's girlfriend. Hahaha.

It's driving my mother crazy too. I recall how irate she was when last year I came home for the Holy Week armed with Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory CD. We're talking Holy Thursday here...a day before Good Friday, when all good times are put on hold until Easter Sunday. Imagine the horror on my mother's face when I started playing the CD early in the morning. I think for a second there she thought her youngest daughter had been cloned by "satanistas". Hehehe.

I don't even remember why I bought the CD when I did (well, I did sort of relate to the song "In The End" back then). I just remember spending one weekend alone in my brother's house in Laguna and listening to the band for the first time. I was surprised to find that I actually liked...no...loved it. I listened to every song in the album (which I rarely ever do), and when I finished I was a believer. =)

I'm not the punk rock/heavy metal type of girl...all those guitar distortions and the shrieking and shouting, the dark, angry messages...I used to think I'm way beyond that. Linkin Park is a different thing altogether. Yes, there're the guitar distortions and the shrieking and all, and the songs are dark...but profoundly so. It's not even angry, not hateful, just pained...angsty. Angsty without a single cuss word, that's the best part. I completely understand why a lot of young people can relate.

It's the poetry that always gets me more than anything else. If I can't make sense out of it I would never listen to it. Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory made a lot of sense to me.

My mother can complain all she wants. I won't be tired of listening to all the screaming yet.

Oh...lest I forget...(Shriek) I love you Mike Shinoda!!!

2004-06-10T12:30:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine called me "unicorn woman". =) Whatever could he mean???

Unicorns are those mythical one-horned creatures that can only be tamed by virgins, right? It's supposed to signify the triumph of spiritual love over fierceness or something. Yeah, great. I get that part.

But does he mean I'm the - uhrm - "virgin" who tames the mythical creature? (I wish! Haha) Or am I just a woman who looks like a horse with a single horn jutting out of her forehead? ;)

Anyone care to explain? Anyone? =D

Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Moe

2004-06-06T13:16:00.000+08:00

Free will can suck sometimes. One is given free will to decide which path to take and it sucks because most of the time you want to take the easier path whilst knowing you better take the more difficult one.

God is one smart dude. Sigh.

I recall the movie The Devil's Advocate. The premise there is that the devil gives you a choice...he's not the diabolic, monstrous kind that controls you to do evil things...well, he is all that, actually. But he offers you a choice. I am fascinated by that. While the devil indeed appeals to our pride, vanity, lust, whatever, he also offers us a chance to walk away from it. It's free will. I guess even he can't mess around with that.

But the devil's work is easy because man is fallible, he easily falls into temptation. And I am amazed that God left the decision to us - falllible as we are - entrusting us with this incredible gift which is free will, the power to choose our own path.

Told you, God's a freaking genius.

I guess that's how much He loves us. Like a parent who provides his children with everything and in the end does not ask them to strictly conform to his wants. Instead he lets them decide on their own to choose which paths to take.

2004-06-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

los ojos
posted by prooky

Rain

2004-06-02T14:55:00.000+08:00

It's raining. Right on schedule, I guess. In Cavite where I used to work it rarely ever rains. Even if it did it's still too humid.

I may not like it here in Daet most of the time but when it rains everything seems beautiful...peaceful. The light seems softer, more diffused. The air smells so clean.

I miss LB in the rain.

I Saw Signs

2004-03-20T23:47:00.001+08:00

I saw Signs...no, not those signs but M. Night Shyamalan's film "Signs". It wasn't as creepy as I thought it would be. It was sort of like watching "Blair Witch", you're kind of waiting for that one big scare to come out of the screen. This movie isn't really big on visuals. It's more the pace, the sound, the whole feel that makes it sort of freaky...you don't know what to expect. It's a mild suspense movie, nothing to make you jump out of your seat or anything to make you scream like in Gothika or Ring. Mas creepy pa rin ang Sixth Sense, if you ask me.

What I like about this movie though, is the little funny scenes that Mr. Shyamalan wrote in here and there, so the suspense is kind of dissolved. It made me laugh...

Its strong point, I think, was the moral of the story. Shyamalan has a way of getting his message across. I just love the way his mind works.

Signs is more a story about faith than it is about aliens invading the planet or the end of the world. It's a message of hope, a validation of man's belief in the higher power - that we are not alone and that everything happens for a reason.

It's actually touching.

PHOTO CREDIT: www.brusimm.com

Bamboo talk

2004-02-23T20:37:00.000+08:00

Bamboo's back...and I'm not talking about those tall grasses that pandas love to eat. I'm talking about the former lead vocalist of the band Rivermaya. He left the band to go to the States a few years ago and now he's back (sans the annoying long hair which used to cover his face before, thank God!!!) with a new band called - surprise, surprise - Bamboo! =) They have a new single out called Noypi which is a good song. (Guess what the song is about...Hehe.)

Personally, it's just great to hear Bamboo's voice again - that different, powerful, distinct sound that's unmistakably his. It's reminiscent of the hit songs "Himala", "2-1-4(Am I Real)" and all that...of that first summer in LB...

Don't get me wrong, I think Rico Blanco is a superb artist - he's a great singer and songwriter and he reinvented the band when Bamboo left, giving it a different sound. But Bamboo is just...Bamboo!

I'm just ecstatic that the band scene is starting to come alive again. I was never really a fan of all those R&B groups and boy bands which, in my opinion, all sound alike anyway. Music should be real and raw and played on the spot. Everything else is just...imitation art. Or else, a record label marketing ploy.

Dino Ignacio, Rex Navarrete, and Six Degrees of Separation

2004-01-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

I first heard of Dino Ignacio from my friend Joyce back in 1998, when we were just starting to discover the wonders of the Internet. He's the creator of fractalcow.com, site of the "Bert Is Evil" fame which won a Webby for Best Werid Site in '99. Incidentally, he also happened to be dating Joyce's friend Nina (or Tonette, as she is known to her highschool friends).

So anyway, back in November I saw an article on an old issue of Philippine Star - a full-page write-up about Dino and a spread of his drawings. I was delighted to find out that he did a cartoon based on Rex Navarrete's "Maritess vs. the Superfriends" on his site. I have been hearing about Rex Navarrete's stand-up-comedy acts from friends who have been raving about it, so I was curious.

I checked the cartoon out at the site and was absolutely rolling over with laughter when I finished. He also posted his poems there and animations for this indie band in the States he's supporting called "The Skyflakes". I saw a music video of the band on MTV while I was in LB two weeks ago...it was pretty cool. Pretty cool to note Nina's name on the credits after the video as well. =)

What is the point of all these rambling you ask? Wala lang. I just want to point out that there are only two degrees of separation between me and Dino Ignacio...and three degrees between me and Rex Navarrete. Hehehe.

Back from the boondocs into the arms of...John Cusack?

2004-01-11T02:21:00.002+08:00

Three things that "Say Anything" has in common with "High Fidelity" (aside from being another John Cusack movie, of course):

(1) Joan Cusack, who's always in John's movies anyway;
(2) Lili Taylor; and
(3) A scene where John is calling from a phonebooth in the rain. =)

I can't get over that scene where his character, Lloyd Dobbler, stood outside his ex-girlfriend's house at the break of dawn, carrying this boombox over his head and playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes". It's so corny! Hahaha. I like it!

John Cusack's romantic movies are a little unusual...not the in-your-face-sappy-happy-ending-walk-towards-the-sunset-kissy-kissy kind of thing, and I like it.

Happy ever after films kind of insult the sensibilities. You know it never really turns out that way.

Image from joeclipart.com

I heard the voice of angels...from Loboc, Bohol

2003-12-23T16:41:00.000+08:00

Mr. Howie Severino presented a very heartwarming documentary on I-Witness tonight. It featured the Loboc Children's Choir of Bohol. It's truly amazing how a group of schoolchildren from a nearly invisible town have brought fame and honor to this country.

I was brought to tears. That's what it's all about - sining, musika - it transcends all cultures and societies and breaks down barriers between the rich and the poor, the old and the young.

It's such a shame that the government seems to deem them insignificant. It took the private sector to notice their potential, dole out and send them abroad to be heard by other nations. They beat 11 competitors from all over the world in a choral competition in Barcelona, Spain. They performed for the Pope and Queen Sofia of Spain.

It blew me away...their voices...like angels coming down from the heavens. To have come from these little children...it's unbelievably wonderful! It was so cool.

Kudos to their instructor as well for doing such a great job.

Mabuhay kayo!

2003-11-27T12:51:00.000+08:00

Margaret Atwood's "Cat's Eye"
posted by prooky